The Spirit Of Belief
by SaintOfAngst
Summary: Most agree that the spirit of belief is nothing more than a dead myth. One girl will be given the chance to put that theory to its ultimate test.
1. Chapter 1

greetings and salutations...i bring you joy and good tidings...well...not really...im a saint, not an angel of the lord...lol...but i DO bring you a new story...just a seasonal treat that surfaced while working on an unrelated project...anyway...i hope you will enjoy this little gift of fiction...and i promise...the next chapter of 'last sacrifice' will be up within the next few days...i haven't forgotten...the holidays are just very taxing on one's time...please feel free to leave your impressions of this first chapter...and as always...do enjoy the ride...ah, tis the flavor of the season... 0: )

"The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful looks of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless yet necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts."  
>~Peter Dickinson~<p>

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER ONE<strong>

"Ho! Ho! Bah humbug!" Natsuki grumbled, stuffing her hands deeper into the pockets of her black, leather motorcycle jacket as she slouched along beside her friend. Her breath billowed out in a cloud of cold fog as she exhaled deeply, "You can count me OUT."

Mai, refusing to let the sour mood of her companion deflate her buoyant holiday spirit, laughed and linked her arm through her friend's arm, leaning against the other girl as they walked down the street. "Oh come on Natsuki," she whined in her best wheedling voice, pressing closer against the side of her friend in a show of good natured camaraderie as well as in an effort to shield herself against a sudden gust of icy wind. "It's Christmas Eve. You don't wanna sit at home tonight." The statement was made as more of a declaration than a question.

The dark haired girl hunched her shoulders against the wind, sinking her chin deeper into the folds of the navy blue scarf wrapped around her neck. "Sure I do," she quipped nonchalantly, giving the woman dressed in a Santa Claus suit a murderous glare just she was about to approach the two girls with her bucket held at the ready for any holiday donations. Catching the warning simper of Natsuki's emerald stare, the woman in question paused in mid step, the bell she was ringing going suddenly quiet. She stood where she was, warily watching the two girls pass by without her usual cry of 'Your spare change can make a difference." Natsuki gave a satisfied sneer followed by a muffled snort at the woman's change of heart. It gave her a silent thrill to realize she was still able to effectively freeze a person with nothing more than a carefully arched eyebrow coupled with a menacing glower.

Natsuki suddenly stumbled, her boot slipping momentarily on a patch of ice as Mai gave her arm a jerk. "Dammit! Watch it Tokiha. You almost made me fall and bust my ass!"

"Would serve you right, you old Scrooge!" the orange haired girl shot back, shaking her head at her friend's lack of indulgence for all things festive. She'd caught the girl's behavior towards the bell ringer out of the corner of her eye. "And stop scaring the Santa Clauses, Natsuki. That's the third one this afternoon that you've frightened away with your antisocial grimace. If you don't watch it, Santa might just SKIP your house tonight for being such a bad girl."

"I'm NOT antisocial. Just...anti-holiday," she corrected, her ears picking up the sound of cheezy Christmas music leaking from the open door of a bookstore they were passing. "I'd like to see the fat fucker squeeze through MY chimney. I got something for him if he does. And it isn't milk and cookies." She chuckled, lost in her own dark humor as she imagined Santa climbing out of her fireplace only to discover himself staring down the barrels of two SIG Elite Dark 9 MM pistols pointed at his head.

"That's just wrong. Today of all days you should be filled with the spirit of the season. I mean look around. Doesn't all the decorations and carolers and the PRESENTS make you wanna smile?" Mai was trying, but she knew she was probably fighting a losing battle. Nevertheless, she was determined not to leave the field without putting up a valiant effort. _Who doesn't like Christmas?_ she puzzled to herself.

"Actually Mai, all the decorations and shit doesn't make me wanna smile. They make me wanna puke!"

Mai stopped walking, pulling her friend to a sudden halt in the middle of the sidewalk. "I don't believe for a second that you can't look around and not feel something, Natsuki Kuga." Her eyes shone with a gleam of tinseled covered fanaticism that seemed to infect the general population at this time of year. She made a grand gesticulation with one gloved hand. "The lights are twinkling, the music is cheery, the Christmas trees are all decked out. Not to mention the presents piled up beneath them." Mai chuckled at this, picturing the tree she and Mikoto had put up in their dorm room. It was piled high with gifts from friends and family. "And the shops in the city are doing their part in fostering the Christmas spirit as well. Look!" She flailed her hand at the window they were standing in front of, as if to drive home her point once and for all.

Natsuki's eyes had been steadily studying the tops of her boots, waiting for her friend's outburst to subside so they could continue their walk, trying her best to ignore the girl's dramatic tirade. However, after a few more seconds of Mai's over-glorification of the poinsettia window clings and the fake garland encircling one of Fuuka City's shops that she'd decided to stage this little Christmas fit in front of, Natsuki realized that she'd have to make some type of comment in order to get her friend moving again. Lifting her head, she flipped a handful of blue-black hair over her shoulder before gazing up at the window and the street in front of her. But as her eyes scanned the crowded streets and busy shops, she frowned.

"You wanna know what I see Mai? I see nothing more than a gross over-commercialization of a holiday that has lost its meaning. Unless you work in retail or alcohol sales. That is the only thing Christmas is good for!"

Mai's mouth dropped open and she stared incredulously at her sulking friend. "But you have to admit that it's the SPIRIT of the holiday that truly matters."

The other girl shook her head, long dark hair billowing out in an errant gust of wind. "Holiday spirit? You mean...THAT?" She reached out, both hands gripping her friend's shoulders and gave Mai's upper torso a twist, shoving her a little more roughly than necessary, as she pushed her closer to the glass paned window of the electronics store they were standing in front of. She peered in with Mai, a look of disgust turning down the corners of her mouth. "Tell me. What do you see Mai?" Natsuki asked, the timbre of her voice holding a hard edge of irritability as she leaned in closer to her friend. "I want to know what type of holiday spirit you see in a retail store pushing it's wares on a Christmas Eve. All i see is the supply and demand of the drug better known as capitalism."

Mai took a voluntary step closer to the window, pulling one red glove off with her teeth so she could push a strand of orange hair behind one ear. The wind was picking up, sending not only her hair, but also residual snow from the previous day's dusting flying up into her face, momentarily stinging her eyes. She watched the goings on inside the store for a few seconds, eyes round with excitement. It was just an ordinary electronics store, selling everything from CDs to cellphones. The sale's associates that Mai could see had all donned silly reindeer-antler headbands, some even going so far as to strap big, red noses on their faces as well. Tastefully decorated with traditional holiday trappings of holly, garland and red tinsel, the interior of the store oozed Christmas spirit. At least in Mai's opinion. Mai was in such a good mood that she even caught herself humming along to the tune of the Christmas song being piped through the store's internal, as well as external speakers as she zoned out, caught up in a sort of holiday, voyeuristic trance.

She felt Natsuki give her shoulders an insistent shake accompanied by the repeated question growled in her left ear. "Well? What do you see of holiday spirit in there?"

Not knowing what her friend was getting at, Mai decided to answer as honestly as she could. "I see your typical hustle and bustle of a Christmas Eve. People still out shopping, hoping to find that perfect, last minute gift. I see smiles and happiness on everyone's face; a glow of expectant joy radiating an anticipation of sharing time with treasured friends and family." She frowned then, cutting her eyes slightly to the left as she glanced warily at Natsuki, who had her own face plastered to the window, staring in as if desperately searching for some seasonal validity of her own in the scene before her, as well as in Mai's words. "I also see a Christmas tree and holiday decorations," Mai added.

Natsuki grunted in self-satisfaction, bringing her hands up to her mouth and blowing on them for warmth. "So, in effect, what you're telling me is, the holiday spirit that you've been yammering so much about for the past month is nothing but a bunch of frantic shoppers and some shitty decorations that retail stores drag out once a year in order to dazzle and deaden the minds of potential customers. That about sum it up?" Her voice sounded bitter and angry.

Mai turned towards her friend, a look of confusion stealing across her face. _Why is Natsuki so determined not to enjoy the holiday?_ It just didn't make sense to her. She'd never seen anyone fight so hard against something as simple and pure as Christmas spirit. "Christmas is much more than shopping and a few strings of colored lights, Natsuki. It's about being with family and friends and appreciating them. Not even necessarily with gifts, but with words and actions that let the people close to you know you are thankful for them being a part of your life. It's an unrestricted belief in a season of miracles."

Natsuki felt the tension in her shoulders intensify and she took a deep breath to ease a sudden ache in her chest. She lifted green eyes, turning her gaze outward towards the street, watching the activity of a busy Christmas Eve morning flowing past her and Mai like the restless movement of a river. Just as she was about to open her mouth and comment on Mai's naive comment concerning Christmas miracles, a loud voice from behind drew both of the girl's attention. Turning her head slightly, Natsuki spied a woman with an armful of bags from various stores yanking on the hand of a little boy as he pointed excitedly towards a display of video games in the window she and Mai were standing in front of.

"That mommy. I want that for Christmas. I forgot to tell Santa about the new Xbox game I wanted. Can we go back to see him? Please? He won't bring it if I don't tell him I want the game too!"

The boy's mother moaned in frustration as she frowned at the expectant face of the child tugging on her hand. "Takeo, don't you think you've already asked for enough toys from Santa this year?"

The petulant pout that crossed the little boy's face made Natsuki want to smack him. "NO! He's Santa Claus. He's supposed to bring me everything I want and I want that game!" He gave his foot a determined stomp.

"I think Santa has spent enough money on you this year, young man. Just be happy with what you do get." The woman's response was clipped and sharp. "Besides, we have to hurry up and get home so I can start preparing tomorrow's lunch. You're sister is bringing her boyfriend home from school with her tonight, so that's another mouth to feed as well as another futon to drag out of storage. The house is already packed out with relatives that have started showing up, freeloading off of your father over the holiday. We just don't have time to go back and wait in line for another visit with Santa Claus." She sighed then, giving a surprised squeak when she saw Mai and Natsuki watching the exchange between herself and her son, who was not taking the news of his mother's refusal to take him back to see Santa very well at all. Shrugging, she gave the girls a forced smile. "Kids these days. They want everything they see and expect to get it." Giving the now squalling child a firm pull, the woman began moving past the silently staring girls. Pausing momentarily, trying to make her voice audible over the loud cries from her son, the woman grunted in exasperation, looking and sounding tired, "Just be glad you two are still young and don't have any children. Holiday's are hell on families. Merry Christmas."

"M-merry Christmas to you too," Mai spluttered, watching as the woman dragged her son down the sidewalk in wide-eyed dismay. Mai had a look on her face that was half disbelief and half disappointment, sort of as if she'd just discovered that Santa Claus wasn't real after all.

Taking no pity on her friend's unfortunate encounter with the woman and her son, Natsuki leaned in close to Mai, nudging the girl in the back with one shoulder. "How's that for your holiday spirit, Tokiha. Huh? Merry fucking Christmas." She laughed sourly, feeling justifiably vindicated in her opinions about the holiday.

It took Mai a moment to recover from the most decidedly un-holiday spirit the woman had exhibited, but giving her head a confident toss, she grinned nevertheless. "That's but one Christmas anomaly, smart ass. Now come on, I need to get to the jewelry store and pick up Yuuichi's gift. Mister Ahkio said he was closing at noon to give his staff time to do last minute errands."

"Wanna tell me again why I agreed to getting up early on a day off, not to mention leaving my apartment in weather like this just to run YOUR errands with you?" Natsuki lamented dramatically, jogging the few steps to catch up with Mai who was already headed up the sidewalk, making a beeline for the crosswalk on the corner.

Mai's voice carried easily on the wind as she retorted with, "Because that's what friends are for." Reaching the corner that she needed to cross, Mai wedged herself into the crowd waiting for the signal to change, grateful for the press of warm bodies around her. She'd chosen fashion over warmth today and was wearing a green sweater jacket that wasn't designed for anything other than its cute factor. She could feel the icy breath of the wind running straight through the knit sweater, causing her to shiver uncontrollably. The crush of bodies surrounding her were a welcome buffer. Besides, there was no way she would admit to Kuga that she was cold. The girl had pointed out upon leaving the dormitory that she would freeze to death without a heavy jacket. Mai had merely pish-poshed on her friend's warning, casualy offering the comment that sometimes one must suffer for fashion. Which was exactly what she was doing now. Her teeth were chattering together softly as Natsuki eased up behind her.

"HA!" came the girl's loud voice. "I told you you'd freeze your ass off out here this morning without a jacket."

"J-just one more s-shop and then we'll go get a coffee b-before heading back," Mai managed through chattering teeth, clutching her shopping bags close as the crowd began milling ever so slightly in anticipation of the light change.

"Grrrr! Hey watch it buddy!" came Natsuki's grumbled shout. "You just stepped on my foot!"

The man in question inclined his head, glancing down at the snarling girl addressing him. "Sorry about that young lady. Here, have a candy cane." His eyes locked onto Natsuki's for the briefest moment, causing a visible shiver to tingle through the girl's body, before finishing with, "And smile, my friend. The spirit of Christmas is now upon you." He stuffed a miniature candy cane into Natsuki's hand and smiled innocently.

_Was that dude's eyes WHITE?_ she thought in amazement. But before Natsuki could even reply, the man was carried off in the wake of bodies as the green light flashed its okay to cross and the herd began it's hurried flow across the street.

A sudden elbow in the side caused Natsuki to drop the candy cane the man had given her. Not knowing what possessed her to do it, she hastily bent down amongst the crush of bodies and legs and snagged the cellophane wrapped candy before it could be crushed beneath the feet of the crowd and stuffed it into a jacket pocket. _Why the hell did I do that?_ she mumbled to herself, _I could have gotten myself_ _trampled to death for a piece of stupid candy!_ She pushed herself back up to a standing position, green eyes scanning the faces surrounding her as she tried to spot Mai's orange hair, when she suddenly caught the sound of her name being called.

"Oi Kuga! NATSUKI KUGA!"

Glancing over one shoulder, she cringed as she spotted the greenish-black, spikey hair of Takeda Masashi. He was trotting up the sidewalk she and Mai had just been strolling down, waving one hand in the air, the other cupped around his mouth as he called out her name again.

"Shit!" Natsuki swore, relieved to spot Mai coming to a halt on the edge of the curb as the crossing light began it's warning blink of eminent change. Lowering her head in determination, she shouldered her way through the throng separating her from her friend and bulled forward, ignoring the startled shouts and curses levered at her rude behavior as she plowed through.

Mai was standing beside the yellow flashing crosswalk sign, hugging herself with her arms as she tried to keep warm now that she'd been pushed from the warmth of the crowd and left exposed on the edge of the curb. "Oh my God!" she cried happily. "There you are! I thought you'd finally decided you'd had enough and ditched me so you could..." Her evident happiness at seeing her friend turned into a shocked silence as Natsuki grabbed her hand and tugged.

"Let's go!" was all the dark haired girl said as she gripped Mai's hand tighter, pulling her off the curb and onto the crosswalk.

"No. Wait! We can't! The light's red. We're gonna..."

Growling in undeterred determination, Natsuki tucked Mai's hand beneath her arm in a vise-like grip and ran. "Just shut up and RUN Tokiha!"

Mai glanced at the oncoming traffic, closing her eyes momentarily, a whispered prayer passing her cold lips. "Please God, Don't let this idiot get me killed on Christmas Eve!"

Ignoring the indignant car horns beeping as she half-dragged Mai across the street, Natsuki's intent was to keep moving away from the boy across the street as swiftly as possible. Unfortunately, Mai's foot slipped on a slick spot of ice once they safely reached the sidewalk and she let out a startled screech as she dropped bags and bottom to the cold pavement. Natsuki scanned the crowd at the crosswalk on the other side of the street as her friend floundered at her feet, hoping she wouldn't see Takeda emerging from the next glom waiting to pass. An irritated frown puckering her brow, she made an impatient flailing motion with her hand towards the girl on the ground, urging Mai to get up.

"Come on. Come on Mai! We need to move!"

Clambering to her feet with an irritated sniff for Natsuki's disregard of offering her a helping hand up, Mai reclaimed her dropped shopping bags then placed her hands on her hips. "What the hell's your problem? We could have gotten hit by a car! What's gotten into you all of a sudden? You didn't even pretend to show concern that I just nearly broke my leg, falling down on that ice!" Noticing her friend's attention was fixed not on her but on something across the street, Mai turned her head and immediately spotted the cause of Natsuki's discomfit. "Ah. So that's it," she said, totally forgetting her irritation at her friend. "Trying to avoid Takeda, huh? Well that's just rude!" Raising one arm, Mai gestured with a wave and called out, "Hey Takeda, we're..." She was silenced by the feel of Natsuki's cold hand clamping down over her mouth.

"Dammit Mai, shut it!" Slouching down, she continued watching the young man across the street, his head whipping back and forth, searching the sidewalk on the other side. A triumphant smile lit up Natsuki's face as Takeda hurried off up the sidewalk, never thinking to spare a glance across the busy street. "He didn't see us cross. Hurry! Get your shit together. I wanna be long gone before the light changes again, just in case."

Mai clutched her bags with one hand, the other slapping at her friend's hand which was still plastered over her mouth. "Well excuse me for having the Christmas spirit and trying to be friendly," she puffed heatedly.

Urging Mai to follow, Natsuki ducked behind a line of shoppers ambling down the sidewalk who were oohing and aahing at the window displays, before replying over her shoulder. "This has nothing to do with Christmas spirit and more to do with...self preservation."

The sound of her friend's guffaw of laughter caused several pedestrians to throw curious glances their way. "He asked you out again, didn't he? He probably asked you out tonight? Am I right, Miss Kuga?" she teased, trying to catch a glimpse of Natsuki's face, looking for the blush she knew her friend was trying to hide beneath a fall of dark hair.

"Where's this jewelry shop you're looking for," was Natsuki's only response.

"He DID ask you out again," Mai chuckled, congratulating herself on her keen insight.

Natsuki shook her head. "Actually, the dummy left a voice message on my cell, asking if I wanted to go out to dinner with him tonight. What kind of idiot asks someone out with a recorded message."

"Maybe he knew you were screening your calls and wouldn't answer your cell when you saw the call was from him. Poor guy. His only recourse was to try and pin you down via voice mail." Mai giggled.

"Poor guy my ass! Do you know how many times he's called me in the past week?" she demanded, looking up to discover that Mai had disappeared from beside her and was even now, turning down a sidestreet. Jogging to catch up, she answered her own question. "Twelve! He's called me twelve times Mai. You'd think the dude would've gotten the message by now."

Mai stopped, glancing around at the names of the shops adjacent to them, acclimating herself, before continuing the conversation as well as her hurried stroll down the busy sidewalk. "And what message would that be, hmmm?" she inquired, spotting the jewelry shop a few stores further down the sidewalk.

Natsuki pulled the zipper of her jacket up a little farther, stuffing both hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "The message that I'm not interested," she snapped.

"Why not?" her friend challenged, shrugging and making an empty pocket gesture at yet another person ringing a bell beside a bucket set up for holiday donations.

"Because I'm NOT!" Natsuki snarled, her tone and demeanor suddenly turning even darker, a near palpable threat vibrating in the air between herself and Mai.

Glancing at her watch, Mai didn't hear the dangerous undertones in the other girl's voice warning her to drop the subject. She was too absorbed in reaching her destination and picking up Tate's present before the shop closed in twenty minutes. "Well, maybe you should give him a chance, Natsuki. It would be nice if you accepted a date with someone who so obviously seems to really like you. Then you wouldn't have to spend Christmas Eve all alone," she absentmindedly responded.

Mai reached the door to Mister Akiho's shop, her hand poised on the handle, anticipating stepping into the warm interior, when a sound from Natsuki caused her to turn around. The girl had stopped a few feet back, head down, arms hanging limply by her side. "Hurry up Natsuki. The shop closes in less than twenty minutes and I need to..."

"Do you think I'm so desperate for company that...that I'd consent to a date with a person simply to have someone with me on a holiday?" Her voice was pitched low, but when she raised her head to look at Mai, her eyes were aglow with an inner scream. "Do you think I NEED anyone to babysit me tonight...or...or any other night for that matter?"

She took a step towards Mai, whose violet colored eyes were wide in apprehensive surprise at the pained look chiseled across her friend's face and the realization that SHE had caused it. "Natsuki," she began, reaching out a hand toward the girl's arm.

Natsuki shrugged Mai's consoling hand off and continued, "I don't need anyone Mai. Family, friends...no one. Needing someone is a weakness. I've learned that lesson before and I will never make the same mistake again. Ever since my mother" she paused, changing what she'd intended to say before continuing, "ever since I lost my mother, I've been on my own. You might label me as being a loner, or alone, but I consider it a choice I've consciously made. Being independently on my own is not the same thing as being lonely. It's my choice not to want to define my life...to define who I am based solely on another person. I don't want it. I don't need it! I don't need..." _HER! w_as the word that, once embraced in thought, immediately drowned Natsuki in an ocean of memories.

A look of remorse stole across Mai's face. "I'm sorry Natsuki. I didn't mean to insinuate..." She paused to swallow, unsure how to continue but desperately wanting to pull her friend out of the defensive mood she'd put her in. "Besides, you're gonna be with ME tonight. You did promise to meet us for dinner, right?" She slid her arm around the girl's shoulders, giving her a loving one armed squeeze. "We're all gonna be there Natsuki. Even Nao." She'd thrown in Nao's name in an effort to make Natsuki swear, or scream or snort, anything...just to get the look of sadness out of her eyes. The reaction Mai received for the casual name dropping was not a disappointment.

Natsuki rewarded her with a contemptuous snort. "And that's supposed to make me wanna go? Yeah right!" She arched one eyebrow at Mai, her mouth stretched thin in a tight lipped sneer. "If anything, just knowing that girl will be there is more than enough of an incentive to keep me at home!"

Mai playfully slapped at Natsuki's arm. "Oh don't be so cold," she teased, hoping to lighten the tension of the moment.

Natsuki's face drained of color at Mai's words, replaced with a profound sense of loss so overwhelmingly unexpected that it claimed even the wind-painted rose coloring her cheeks. She struggled for her next breath, feeling the ghost of regret wrap it's icy fingers around her heart and squeeze. _"Must you be so cold,"_ came the voice from five months ago. A voice edged with a hurt that she had caused; leaving in it's wake a wound so deep it could never be healed. A voice echoing in the darkness of a past moment lived daily. Guilt and shame warred with a feeling of such hopeless grief that Natsuki gasped, trying to catch the breath which had suddenly caught in her throat as the memory tightened its grip on her heart.

"You okay Natsuki?" Mai's concerned voice buzzed in her ears, sounding as if muted by a very thick wall.

Taking a mental hold on her emotions, Natsuki lifted her chin and forced herself to meet Mai's worried eyes. "Of course I'm fine. Just the...thought of sitting down at a table with Nao made my stomach turn a little." She flashed an empty smile, hoping to appease her friend's dismayed frown.

"You really are a meanie head," Mai chortled, a desperate sound that she winced at as soon as it was out of her mouth. She was not at all convinced that Natsuki was as 'fine' as she claimed to be. She shivered as another icy blast of wind whistled past and hurriedly reached out for the door handle leading into the shop. "Oh my God! I'm freezing to death out here." Pulling the door open, she ushered Natsuki inside.

A welcoming warmth immediately embraced the two girls as they stepped inside the jewelry store which was tastefully decorated for the holiday. The air held just a hint of cinnamon. Mai pulled off her gloves and stuffed them into the shoulder bag hanging from one arm, transferring her shopping bags into Natsuki's hands. "Here. Hold these for me. I'll just be a sec." And with that, she was gone, waving at one of the sales girls who greeted her by name.

Natsuki grumbled, adjusting the bags Mai had unceremoniously left in her care._ This is the REAL reason she asked me to go with her today. To act as her personal assistant._ Watching for a moment as the owner of the shop came out from the back and greeted Mai himself, Natsuki thought she might as well kill time while waiting by ambling through the store. Nothing here but jewelry and a few overpriced keepsake items, but, browsing was better than standing behind Mai like a hired flunky.

Walking around, she let her eyes roam over the various assortment of jewelry on display. Earrings, and bracelets, necklaces to rings, a representation of every form of accessory was available for purchase. They even had a small offering of body piercing jewelry. Natsuki turned her nose up at the obnoxious looking belly button ring her eyes had unwittingly locked on._ Screw that. I'd much rather have a cool tattoo,_ she scoffed imperiously. She'd seriously contemplated the idea of getting her first tattoo for herself as a Christmas gift. She had in her mind a unique design that she'd love to have inked somewhere on her body. Unfortunately, she didn't have the artistic skills necessary to sketch out the design she'd created in thought only. Nothing else she could think of would suffice. If one was going to get a tattoo on their body, it better be one that you could live with for a very long time.

_Oh well. When I get time, I'll just have to find someone who can draw it out for me. And then...THEN, I'll get a tattoo. _Her ears picked up the excited squeal of Mai's voice. That was her cue to make her way back over to the front of the store. _Once she pays for Tate's necklace, we can go get that cup of coffee she's been promising me and... _Her anticipation of sitting down in front of a hot cup of coffee was interrupted as a gleam from one of the displays on top of the counter caught her eye. Curious, she padded over to the counter.

In a small, low walled display box, several rings were laid out on a piece of white velvet. The rings were all silver, but with varying designs, cuts and thickness. Semi-precious stones were set in most of the rings, all of differing hues and shapes. One in particular had caught Natsuki's eye. Reverently reaching out for the ring, she picked it up, immediately drawn to the double infinity knot design. It was silver and felt nicely weighted in her hand. However, it wasn't the design nor the silver which had attracted her, but rather, the stone set in the center of the ring where the infinity knots met. It was the most beautiful shade of purple she'd ever seen. She turned the ring, the overhead lights setting off the sparkling hues of the gem. It was a rich purple, but with just the subtlest hint of a blue combining with the more dominant purple coloring to warrant the description of being a truly breathtaking piece of jewelry.

"That's an Oriental amethyst. Also known as a purple sapphire. Exquisite, isn't it?" The sales associate smiled a friendly, encouraging smile. "Why not try it on?"

_It's her favorite color,_ Natsuki thought wistfully, her eyes locked on the small, yet beautiful amethyst set in the ring. Her heart hammered painfully inside her chest and she felt herself slipping into the crush of memories she so desperately fought against.

She was saved from her own demon recollections by the sound of Mai's voice. "You thinking about buying a ring, Natsuki? Oh my God!" the girl cried out in delight upon seeing the object laying in her friend's hand. "It's beautiful. You should definitely get it for yourself."

"What? No! I mean no, I don't want it. I was just...it just caught my eye. I was only browsing until you were ready to go." She realized her objection over buying the ring sounded a little manic and tried to reign in her suddenly overwhelming stupidity. "Pffft!" she made a rude noise as she eyed the ring one last time. "You think I'd wear something as pretentious as that anyway. The color's all wrong for me, for one thing. I don't..."she forced moisture into her suddenly dry mouth then continued, "I don't even like the color purple," she finished in a rush, dropping the ring back into it's display box with a pained look on her face as if it had bitten her.

"Awww. Don't say that," the sales girl said with a mock pout, pushing the ring back into its original position with one finger. "Who doesn't like the color purple?" she asked, her look going from one girl to the other. "It's the color most closely associated with royalty and spirituality; an extremely strong color that combines passion as well as..."

The clerk's voice continued to drone in the background as Mai leaned in closer to Natsuki's ear, whispering softly, "Why don't you just...call her, Natsuki?"

The question didn't need to be any more specific, the unvoiced name was enough. Natsuki felt her entire body suddenly tense up, her hands forming fists; she felt a wave of inexplicable anger rolling and crashing against her conscious. The wave of anger, if left unchecked, was on the verge of rising up and taking her and anyone else standing close to her out like a tsunami. She fought to keep her voice civil as she replied to the well meaning, yet cruel question posed by her friend. "I can't Mai. I can't call her. That's over and done with now. I'm not...she can't..." a breath heavy with sorrow and regret rose and fell in silent, self-recrimination. "I don't need anyone. I don't need...her."

Furrowed brows, Mai hissed harshly, trying to keep her voice low, as the sales girl continued to expostulate on the merits of the color purple. "Well maybe SHE needs YOU? Did you ever stop to consider that? God you can be so condescendingly selfish sometimes! Don't you have a heart? It's Christmas Eve for God's sake!"

Unable to weather yet another lecture on her lack of holiday cheer and definitely not wanting to bring up the past caused by an argument in an upscale jewelry store on Christmas Eve, Natsuki flung one arm into the air and whirled away from Mai. "Whatever Tokiha. I'm not interested in defending MY life to YOU! I'm out!" She stormed towards the shop exit, her black motorcycle boots resounding heavily across the polished tiles of the floor.

Mai ran a hand through her hair and forced an embarrassed smile on the startled sales clerk. "Sorry about that. My friend, she...ah...she doesn't do well with holidays," she apologized, giving the clerk a quick bow before racing off after Natsuki. "Merry Christmas," she called as an afterthought over her shoulder as she exited the store at a run, prepared for the inevitable chase-after-Natsuki scene that flashed through her mind. She pulled up short, a started "Oh!" coming from her as she saw the would be prey leaning against the wall just outside the door, both hands pushed into the pockets of her jacket.

"I thought I was gonna hafta give chase," Mai laughed, trying to gauge the girl's mood with a penetrating gaze at Natsuki's face.

The difficult girl merely shrugged one shoulder. "I thought about just ditching you. But these," and with that, she shoved the shopping bags she'd been holding for Mai back into her friend's hands, "these made me think better of the idea. Don't wanna end up forced to lug all of your shit around with me. So, I waited."

"Well, thank you for waiting. And thanks for holding my bags too Natsuki." _Again with the aloof_ _attitude,_ Mai grumbled to herself, watching the girl in front of her kick at a cigarette butt that was frozen to the ground in a small spot of ice. _Why does she have to be so damn...TOUCHY about everything? GRRRR! This girl is infuriating! _But just as quickly as the fires of anger flamed in Mai's eyes, they were just as inexplicably quelled when she caught sight of the subtle trembling of Natsuki's hand as the girl flipped a fistful of hair over one shoulder in a show of nonchalance. It was then that Mai realized, with a certainty born out of a loving friendship, that Natsuki was putting on a show of indifference when in fact, she was more than likely suffering silently inside.

Tucking the gift wrapped box that held Yuuichi's necklace into one of the larger bags, Mai redistributed the weight of her other parcels and bumped against Natsuki with one shoulder. "Hey. Wanna go get that cup of coffee I promised you? I'm all finished with my Christmas shopping and a nice hot latte sounds more than welcome right about now."

Natsuki's emerald eyes flashed warningly as she pierced her friend with an icy stare. "No more bullshit talk about...Christmas spirit?"

Mai wanted to say more. She desperately wanted to talk about the war Natsuki seemed to be waging with her emotions, but she held her tongue and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah. No more hounding of the HOUND about holiday cheer."

"Hey! Watch what you're saying TO-KI-HA!" Natsuki growled menacingly. But the sudden twitching of her lips gave the lie to her gruff rebuke.

"Come on then...Scrooge," Mai finished, unable to help adding the friendly dig. "And I'm treating for the coffee. As a thanks for going out with me this morning Natsuki."

Natsuki pushed away from the wall she was leaning against, taking half of the bags Mai was trying to hold, carrying them for her. "You didn't leave me much of a choice in the matter. It's hard to say no to you once you've got your mind set on a thing," she teased, walking beside her friend, shivering as a wet snow began to softly fall around them.

Mai laughed. "You say that as if you mean it. But, if you do mean it, I want you to know my mind is made up about you joining us tonight for dinner. And stop frowning Miss Kuga. Tis the season for merryment and hope, not the season for frowns and stoicism. Unless you're the Grinch!" Laughing at her own joke, the two girls strode towards the nearest coffee house, one anticipating with barely contained glee the evening's festivities, the other shrouded in a cloud of acrimonious skepticism.


	2. Chapter 2

heyheyhey...and like santa claus i arrive bearing gifts...well...not so much gifts per se as the next chapter in my holiday story...but of course...that in itself could be construed as a gift to the readers...so yush...i bear gifts...lol...hope you do dig...thanks so much for your reviews and continued reading...it makes me smile...as always...enjoy!

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."  
>~Franz Kafka~<p>

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER TWO<strong>

The sound of metal hinges being pulled up heralded Natsuki's arrival home as she lifted the door to the crate elevator which let out into her loft apartment. She'd purchased an old warehouse out near the docks of Fuuka City after having her apartment thoroughly trashed by Miss Nao Yuki several long months ago. Most of the money left in her trust fund went towards the acquisition of the old, two story warehouse and in the subsequent refurbishing of its upstairs into a trendy loft apartment. The bottom floor was still unfinished, a sprawling three thousand square feet of peeling paint, cracked floor tiles and a few broken windows. She planned on hiring out a crew to finish the remodeling sometime in the warmer, summer months. For the time being, it was just empty space.

Once the sliding door had been lifted all the way up, Natsuki stepped into her apartment, wheeling her Ducati in with her. She always kept the motorcycle parked inside. She had the space, plus, there was no way she was going to leave her baby outside and vulnerable to theft or vandalism, something not unheard of in this particular area of town. Dropping the kickstand and easing the bike onto it, she hung her helmet on one of the motorcycle's handgrips before pulling the door to the crate elevator closed.

She shivered. _Goddamn it! It's always so cold in here!_ she complained to herself, pulling the scarf wrapped around her neck off, giving it a vigorous shake. A few pellets of frozen rain still stuck to the material, a lingering testimony to the wintery mix that had now begun falling in earnest. Deciding to keep her jacket on until she could turn the heat up a notch, she unzipped her boots, haphazardly kicking them off before padding towards the kitchen. The floor was tiled throughout the entire upstairs area comprising her apartment in a light brown, wooden tile and the bottom of her socked feet were cold and slipped easily on the smooth surface. Cursing, she reminded herself for the thousandth time to buy a pair of slippers to wear around the apartment. To her chagrin, she'd already suffered numerous falls on the slick flooring.

The loft had no walls separating the huge space into rooms as in most conventional apartments, but rather Natsuki had elected to use partitions which had been erected around the floor that gave definition to a few areas such as the space used as her living room, the area designated and furnished with her bathroom necessities and the kitchen. She would have been perfectly happy with just a microwave and a refrigerator, but the relator who sold her the place persuaded her that it would greatly enhance the resell value of the property if she went ahead and outfitted the apartment with a full kitchen. Which she did. And which she still, after three months of living here, had never used. Except of course, for the microwave and the fridge.

The only other space in her apartment partitioned into its own section was dedicated to what she one day hoped to become her life's work; the design and manufacturing of a personal line of racing motorcycles. The Shop, as she half-jokingly referred to the corner of her apartment that housed the tools and gear necessary for her to work on the bike's prototype was a jumbled mess of new and used motorcycle parts, metal workbenches and a plethora of tools. Sitting on a metal and glass desk, Natsuki had installed a state of the art computer system loaded with programs and info she might require in order to create the ultimate racing machine. Her plan was to enroll in a local engineering design school after graduation to further enhance and hone her mechanical skills. Designing the racing bike was her dream; the dream which kept her motivated on a daily basis.

Rounding the partition into the kitchen, Natsuki's foot slid on the smooth surface of the wooden flooring and she rammed her big toe into the fridge, cursing impressively. Trying to ignore the throbbing from her smarting toe, she yanked angrily on the refrigerator door and reached in, snagging a bottle of Nippon Banzai beer from the shelf. 'Nip-Zai' as it was referred to around the bars and clubs in the city was a microbrew made and manufactured by a couple of neo-hippies who lived in a warehouse of their own just around the corner from Natsuki. She bought the stuff directly from their brewery when she'd first heard about it in an effort to support her neighbor's entrepreneurial enterprise. It was remarkably good beer, even if it was all natural and eco friendly. Three days ago, a shipment of four cases of Nip-Zai had been delivered to her loft. A Christmas present from the Banzai Brothers Brewing Company.

"Merry Christmas to you, too," she toasted the Banzai Brother's, lifting her bottle of beer up in a salute before taking a healthy swig. "And thanks for the brew." She finished her toast to the Santa Clauses of beer with a small belch and a chuckle.

A sudden vibration in her pocket drew her attention from the beer and she pulled the cellphone out, giving the cover a flick, glancing at the name of the sender while taking another pull on the bottle. "Tokiha," she grumbled, "now why does that not surprise me. It's only been forty-five minutes since the last time she harassed me." Clicking the 'Read Text' message on the screen, her eyes scanned the words of her friend, sipping at the beer as she read:

"_Don't forget. Meet us in FRONT of the restaurant at 8:15 TONIGHT, which is Christmas Eve. And YES, I DO have to be this specific with you because if I didn't, you'd somehow find a way to weasel out of coming tonight. Now, you have no excuse. Unless you claim you lost your cell, which by the way Kuga, I will never believe! Wear something festive. LOL See you later. MERRY XMAS!"_

Not bothering to respond, she stuffed the phone back into her jacket pocket, tipping the bottle up and draining the last drop in a gulp. She tossed the bottle into the trash and licked her lips, glancing at the clock set into the face of the refrigerator. 1:49 P.M. Not too late to enjoy one more beer, compliments of the boys down the road. It was a Christmas present after all and hadn't Mai been riding her ass all day about being more in the 'holiday spirit'. Snagging another bottle she opened it with the bottle opener built into the drawer beside the fridge, leaving the top in the floor alongside it's twin as she took another sip.

Beer bottle in hand, Natsuki headed towards the living room, anticipating a few hours of game time before she would be forced to appease her friend with an appearance at the restaurant tonight. She stopped by the thermostat, giving the temp a generous nudge up before walking into the area of the warehouse she had converted into the living room. It was just located adjacent to the kitchen on the eastern wall of the building, a huge accent rug aiding the two-walled partitions in giving the area a more defined and secluded feel. The rug was designed in overlapping, geometrical patterns dyed in varying shades of brown and tan, just a shade darker than the wooden floor tiles. Two overly large, loft-style windows were set in the easternmost wall, heavy and well insulated, the scene beyond encompassing a panoramic view of the Fuuka City docks and pier. Constructed between the two windows was an extremely modern looking fireplace composed of sand colored cinder-blocks and black metal; the firepit stacked with fragrant logs, ready to brighten and cheer a cold winter's night. Natsuki had thus far never bothered lighting the thing. The fireplace being yet another amenity the relator claimed would only increase marketability should she ever decide to sell.

Casting her gaze out the twin windows, even Natsuki had to give pause a moment and stare in amazement at the beauty of the snow falling heavily across the city's dockside district. Her delight quickly turned to a sigh, however. It would be a helluva mess trying to drive through all this snow and ice tonight. _Maybe if I just don't show up at all... _She entertained that thought only a moment before cringing. No. That would only bring Mai and quite possibly her entire entourage of merry do-gooders to the door of her apartment later on this evening. She just didn't think she'd be able to face that. Her eyes slid involuntarily over to the Christmas tree Mai and Mikoto had put up in front of one of the windows. The two girls had shown up three days ago, dragging the tree in behind them, claiming they wouldn't let her apartment see its first Christmas occupied without the obligatory trappings of the season. It was a five footer, all decked out with blinking, multi-colored lights and a hodge podge of decorations. It sat even now, dying a slow yet festive, predestined death, winking at her through it's silver tinsled hair as if mocking her wish to see it gone._ Soon, little Christmas tree, soon, you will be food for my fireplace,_ Natsuki scoffed, deciding on the spot to have her first blaze in the fireplace fed by wood from that tree. Two presents sat under the thing. One from the evil purveyors of the tree itself, the other from her old friend who'd sold her her first motorcycle. She hadn't deigned it necessary to return the offering of either of these gifts.

The beer plus the temperature adjustment she'd made to the loft's thermostat combined to make her suddenly a little too warm. Shrugging out of the jacket, she draped it across the back of the couch, trading the bottle of beer for a game controller as she dropped heavily onto the comfortable seat of the sofa. She bounced the controller in one hand, suddenly not in the mood to play a game. The beer and a half had made her lethargic, too unmotivated even for a few rounds of her favorite shoot-em up. Instead, she flicked on the stereo and immediately jumped in surprise as the pounding thrum of a heavy bass bit into the quiet air of her apartment. Thumbing the volume down quickly, she silently wondered if she always listened to music that loud. If she lived in a regular apartment complex, that alone would get her evicted. Laughing softly, she selected a new disk on the CD changer, an old favorite of hers, The Pretenders, and grabbed the beer with two long fingers, pulling it to her mouth for another sip.

She soon found herself singing quietly along to the song "I'll Stand By You". This particular classic from The Pretenders had always been her favorite. But this afternoon, she found herself choking on the words as she tried to sing along, an inexplicable ache rising up in her chest. Irritated with herself and blaming Mai for putting her in such a sappy mood, she journeyed to the kitchen for one more beer, returning to the couch with a scowl plastered across her face. Maybe it was just inevitable that this time of year played such havoc with people's emotions. The way she saw it, you either fell into one of three seasonal categories. The Christmas Crazies, like Mai and everyone else who practically OD'ed on the holiday spirit, the Christmas Crashers, those people who suddenly turned inadvertently melancholy and depressed during the holidays and then there were the Christmas Caveats, those who viewed the holidays as something to be wary of if not avoided entirely. She put herself in the rankings of this third group. In Natsuki Kuga's astute opinion, the holidays were nothing more than a tourist trap for the emotional. She wanted no part of it.

The sound of her phone ringing brought her attention back into focus and she pulled her jacket off the back of the couch, retrieving her phone from the pocket. "Takeda," she groused, letting the hand holding the phone fall to the cushion of the couch. Could he NOT get the hint that she wasn't interested? She sat cradling the phone, the vibration of it's insistent ringing tingling against the palm of her hand. Another few seconds after the ringing stopped, a beep indicated that the boy had left a voice message. ANOTHER voice message. She brought the phone to her ear, reluctantly listening to the message.

"_Hey, ummm Kuga. It's Masashi. Takeda Masashi. Saw you and Mai out earlier shopping. Guess you didn't see me though, huh. Anyway. Sorry we didn't get a chance to hang out. You have a merry Christmas, Kuga. I mean Natsuki. See you back at school."_

"Not if I see you first," the girl quipped under her breath. But the usual satisfaction she derived from avoiding the boy's calls seemed forced and unnecessary today for some reason. Taking a calming breath, she hit redial. Why she did it, she couldn't say. Maybe it was out of pity. The young man answered almost immediately.

"Hey, Takeda," she greeted, trying to sound cheerful around a mouthful of frown. "Yeah. Sorry about that. I've just been really busy, ya know, with the holidays and all." She cringed at the lie, waiting for him to finish thanking her for returning his calls. "Ummm, sorry, but I can't go out with you tonight. I sorta promised Mai that I'd join her for dinner." Another protracted silence as Natsuki listened to the boy chatting away about his own plans for the holidays. "Sounds awesome man. Look, I gotta go now. Just wanted to give you a ring and let you know..." she paused here, suddenly uncertain what to say. "I just wanted to say...merry Christmas to you too. See ya later." Brushing her thumb across the disconnect key, she tossed the phone onto the table in front of her with a heavy sounding sigh. Mai would be proud. She'd actually wished someone a merry Christmas!

"Shit!" she suddenly groaned, running one hand through her hair. She still had several hours to kill before the stupid dinner with Mai. She was unmotivated to do anything other than sit on her ass and drink some more of her Christmas beer. She pushed herself up off the couch and plodded over to the bookshelf where she kept her cigarettes. She'd started smoking again during these past few months, something she hadn't done in several years. But it was somehow comforting to her and seemed to take a bit of the edge off of her life. She knew that was nothing but a line of bullshit she fed herself every time she lit a smoke, but right now, she didn't really care. She liked to smoke when she had a drink. And she'd been doing both a lot lately. Ever since...

Giving herself a mental shake, she forced her thoughts away from that graveyard of buried memories. She'd made the right decision for herself. It was a choice she could live with. And yet, it still made her heart clench up in shame and regret every time she thought about...her. "Fuck it," she told herself. "I don't need anyone. I did just fine by myself all these years. Stop beating yourself up over it and let it rest in peace."

Natsuki kept her cigarettes stashed in small souvenir box she'd picked up at a Motorcycle Show she'd attended over a year ago in Tokyo. Opening the lid, she picked up the box of Dunhills, an imported brand of cigarette she seemed to prefer over the American brands. Shaking one out of the box, she grabbed an ashtray and a pack of matches, the name of a local Chinese restaurant inked across the front flap.

Pausing a moment, she glanced at the pictures she'd set out on her scantily populated bookshelf. One was a picture of her and some of her friends from school posing together at one of the karaoke outings Mai had coerced them all into attending. Everyone pictured was either laughing or smiling or making goofy faces for the camera. Except her. She was standing with her arms folded, a decidedly unamused look on her face contrasting considerably with a grinning Mai, who was standing beside her, one arm around her neck, the other hand stretched out towards the camera, flashing a peace sign. She felt a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she gazed at the photograph. _God, I'm such a dork!_she snorted in other picture was a shot of her on her motorcycle. She had to admit, she looked rather cool in that picture. Two conflicting looks. But both undeniably pieces of her personality. It suddenly struck her that, even though she was frowning in the picture with her friends, she could see the happiness reflected in her own eyes and yet, in the picture of her on her motorcycle, an arrogant smile plastered across her face, she saw the sadness shadowing the smile she was portraying to the camera. She frowned at the picture.

_Why do I look so happy and yet so sad at the same time? _The question was a silent plea that she already knew the answer for.

"_Even when you smiled, I could feel your loneliness, Natsuki. That first time I saw you, your underlying sadness was what immediately drew me towards you. I thought, she's just like me. She has this...mask on which portrays the public persona she so desperately wants to be, but underneath her arrogance and bravado, she's just a lonely and frightened girl.' _

The comment ghosted across the graveyard of memories in Natsuki's mind. A ghost that once unearthed, would show no mercy; as it enjoyed nothing so much as causing her heart to ache with a regret that could take her to her knees. She knew the next this ghost of a memory would utter, not only because it was her memory, but because she had been the one to say them. She closed her eyes, trying desperately to banish the ghost back into the vault where she'd locked it up. Failing at willing the ghost to silence, she held her breath and faced the words as they were replayed in her memory._"You were never alone, Shizuru. You were constantly surrounded by a throng of fangirls whose only purpose in life had been to shadow your every move. You had but to snap your fingers and someone was there for you. So don't give me that bullshit about you being lonely! And Shizuru Fujino, frightened? Give me a break. You don't even know what it means to be afraid!"_

She slammed the picture she'd been holding face down, swallowing the cry threatening to burst from within. Forcing her eyes open, she slipped the cigarette she was holding between her lips, opening the matchbook then cursing when she found it empty. Hurling it onto the bookshelf in misplaced anger, she strode over to the couch and rammed her hand into her jacket pocket, pulling out a cheap, plastic lighter and rolled her thumb across the ridged tumbler. Leaning into the flame, she took a drag on the cigarette, filling her lungs with the acrid smoke, before exhaling deeply.

_Dammit!_ She laid the blame of her melancholy mood right at Mai's feet. _That crazy chick and all her talk of Christmas spirit and holiday cheer._ Shoving the lighter back into her pocket, Natsuki felt the crinkling of a plastic wrapper beneath her fingertips and frowned. Pulling out what she thought to be trash, she saw a miniature candy cane resting in the palm of her hand. _Where did..? _But the answer to that question sprang immediately to mind. The guy who'd stepped on her foot earlier had given her the piece of candy. The big doofus. She took a drag on her cigarette, turning the candy over with two fingers. There seemed to be something inside the candy wrapper. Dropping her cigarette into the ashtray, she opened the candy with her teeth, pulling out a white slip of paper.

A burst of laughter echoed from the walls. "You gotta be kidding me," she chortled, staring at the paper she now held in one hand. It looked like those little slips of paper you pulled out of the foul tasting fortune cookies you got when ordering Chinese takeout. "Just what the world needs. Fortune candy canes." She tossed the candy onto the table and retrieved her cigarette, listening to the sound of the expensive brown paper the tobacco was wrapped in crisp and burn away as she pulled another drag.

Flopping heavily down onto the couch, she crushed out her cigarette, blowing the smoke from her nostrils as she drained the last of the third beer. The CD changer clicked and spun its carousel, prompting another selection of music to play, this time instrumental versions of popular songs played by two guys on two cellos. She rather enjoyed the strangeness of hearing a classic from the Police played on what one would normally consider instruments used almost exclusively in symphony orchestras.

The heavy tasting hops used in the brewing of the microbrew beers coupled with the Dunhill left a bad taste in her mouth. Too lazy to get up and go brush her teeth, she instead retrieved the peppermint candy cane off the table and opened it, breaking it in half and putting one piece in her mouth. Sucking on the candy, she curiously retrieved the slip of paper that had been inside the wrapper. Strange symbols in red ink were on one side; on the other, also printed in red ink, was the fortune the candy cane had carried. She crunched down on the candy, sucking in a deep breath as the minty freshness spread throughout her mouth and scanned the words inked on the slip of paper:

**Speak truth to dispel the lie lived.  
><strong>**Believe.  
><strong>**The Spirit of Christmas is upon you.**

_What the shit kind of fortune was this! _An involuntary shiver tingled up her arms as she remembered the white eyes of the man who'd slipped the candy into her hand. _White eyes? Must've been a weird reflection from the Christmas light or else he'd donned colored contacts,_ she surmised, giving the silent explanation to herself. She read over the slip of paper once more before crumpling it up in a fist and tossing it towards the Christmas tree. _Fuck the spirit of Christmas and fuck any idiot who is gullible enough to believe in it! _She never understood why people got so sickeningly sappy during the Christmas holidays. Like Mai. So freaking concerned that everyone have a good time and that no one spend Christmas Eve alone. What was so wrong with wanting to spend the holiday alone? There was a difference in being alone and being lonely. She'd tried explaining that to Mai a million times but the mule-headed girl couldn't seem to differentiate between the two.

"I'm not LONELY!" The sound of her shout caused her to jump and she frowned, irritated at herself for letting Mai's words worm their way into her brain. "I'm not...lonely," she reiterated quietly, feeling an unwelcome tightening in her chest.

**Speak truth to dispel the lie lived.**

Natsuki ground her teeth together, leaning her elbows on her knees, placing her fisted hands against the sides of her head. _It's not a lie,_ she told herself. _I made a decision. One that I felt was...best for me. I'm not lonely. I don't need...anyone._

**Speak truth to dispel the lie lived.**

Gah! That stupid line from the slip of paper in the candy cane wrapper wouldn't leave her head. "What the fuck? It's not a lie! I don't...I'm not living...a LIE!"

She felt it then, with her fingers twined through the strands of her long dark hair as if trying to hold the truth inside her head while the sound of her own voice bounced off the stark walls surrounding her. "Lie! Lie! Lie!" Her voice resounding through the emptiness of her apartment. "Lie!" the voice accused, slithering inside her mind, unlocking the scene of that night five months ago, freeing it from the cell she'd sealed it up inside. Natsuki closed her eyes and faced for the first time since that night, the memory of her lie:

_I don't know what you WANT me to say, Shizuru! What can I say that I haven't already said?_

_The truth Natsuki! You can tell me the truth. I want the truth. No, I deserve the truth. Not the typical KUGA brush-off. I...I'm here tonight, laying my heart at your feet. I love you. I have been in love with you for years and I need to know..._

_I know this already. Jesus, I heard you the first time you told me. I'm flattered and honored that you feel that way about..._

_I didn't confess my love for you simply to stroke your over inflated ego, Natsuki Kuga. I told you because I want...I want you. I want to be a part of your life. I want you to be a part of MY life. I need you Natsuki. I've never needed anything or anyone like I need you. _

_Shizuru, you know I care about you. You've been like my best friend for years. I don't know how I would've gotten through some of the rough periods of my life without you there, always beside me. You always knew what to say to make me feel better._

_I knew what to say to you because I love you! When people love each other..._

_Well, that's the thing, Shizuru. I appreciate your concern and I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone. But, I just don't..._

_Don't. Don't do it. Please. Natsuki. Don't give voice to a lie. I couldn't bear it. Not when we both know the truth. Just admit it. To me. To yourself. Don't you think I can see it in your eyes? Even now, when you're trying so hard to deny it, I can feel your love for me. You NEED me Natsuki. I know this may sound cliché to you but, we were meant to be together. _

_NO! No Shizuru. I'm sorry. But you're wrong. I...don't love you, Shizuru. At least, not in the way that you want me to love you. _

_I don't believe you! You're a liar! Natsuki, please!_

_I don't want to hurt you Shizuru. But sooner or later you have to come to the realization that you and I, we were NOT meant to be together. _

_It's a lie! You're just too much of a coward to admit the truth. Natsuki, there's no shame in admitting that you love another person. It doesn't make you weak to need someone. It only makes you stronger. But even if it did make one weak, then I would gladly wear the title as the weakest person in this world, just to have you by my side...forever._

_You live in a fantasy world, Shizuru. _

_What's wrong with that? Where is the harm in wanting to live in a world where loving a person and having them love you back..._

_Because it's NEVER going to happen between us! _

_How do you know? I mean, how can you say that with so much certainty? You haven't even given yourself a chance to get used to the fact that I have these types of feelings for you. If you'd just..._

_Please! I've known how you felt about me for YEARS Shizuru! And I knew...even then...that I did not, nor ever could return your feelings! If I did, don't you think I would've acted on them when I first found out the truth?_

_You...you've known? You knew how I felt about you...all this time and yet...you never..._

_What did you want me to say? Gee Shizuru-san, I can tell by the way that you look at me with those sultry, crimson eyes that you'd like to get to know me better. MUCH better. But, I'm not really into girl on girl action, so thanks but no thanks. Wanna go get a cup of tea with me after school though? Is that what you would've liked me to say?_

_Must you be so cold, Natsuki? _

_I'm not trying to be cold. Just honest._

_LIAR! You cheapen and degrade feelings that you yourself have...for me. You're just too afraid to admit that you need me. To admit that you love me._

_The only thing I'm afraid of is that you'll end up embarrassing the both of us if you can't pull yourself out of this delusional world you're living in. _

_Embarrass you? Is that all you're worried about? Your reputation at this school?_

_No. That's not what I meant. I only meant..._

_Don't bother explaining Natsuki. It would probably be another lie anyway. _

_Shizuru. I'm sorry. I'm truly very sorry, but, I will never...feel the same way about you. This unrequited love you have for me will remain just that. _

_I had to try, one final time, to give you this last chance at...being honest with me...at being honest with yourself. You understand, right? Shizuru Fujino is not a quitter. You're the one who quit, Natsuki. You quit on me, on us! _

_Yeah. I understand. And you. You understand...what I've been telling you as well. Right? I mean, come on, we can still be friends. All these years we've been nothing if not friends. That's better than nothing, right?_

_You, offer me the consolation prize of your friendship with one hand while the blood of my heart that you've just refused drips from the fingers of your other hand? _

_What? Don't be so dramatic. Hey, Shizuru. I'm sorry, please...please don't cry._

_Get your hands OFF ME! You do NOT get to comfort nor hold me when it was you who hurt me to begin with. Just, get away from me Natsuki. _

_I'm sorry Shizuru. God, I wish I could..._

_You still don't get it, do you. You wish for something that's already yours. You do love me! You need me more than you yet know. You just refuse to admit it. You'd rather live strapped in chains to a lie, than live your life of untethered freedom that the truth would grant you. So save your wishes Natsuki. Save them for a time when realization finally penetrates that frozen chunk of ice you call a heart. Just know this one thing before I go, when the fires of truth FINALLY melt that ice, I will not be there to greet you with open arms. _

_Shizuru..._

_I...I love you, Natsuki Kuga. I would do anything for you, in this life as well as any other. But the one thing I can not nor WILL NOT ever do, is love you out of pity. And that is all that you have left me with. Take care of yourself...my Natsuki. I hope that one day...you realize the depth of our loss and the possibilities of what could have been. You can at least take comfort in that. Unfortunately, our time will be lost. It will be too late. Too late._

_Please don't cry anymore! Wait...Shizuru! Stop. Don't leave! Come back!_

"Don't leave me, Shizuru! I need you. Oh God, I LOVE you...Shizuru!" Natsuki lifted her head, tears wetting the corners of her eyes, as the flame of the words she'd just shouted in the solitude of her apartment reached the center of her chest, melting in the thaw of a lie revealed, the ice holding her truest heart prisoner.

_What kind of blind fool I've been!_ she thought wildly, a sense of fear laced joy spreading outwards from her heart, burning away the denial she had wrapped around herself since the death of her mother. She had refused to allow herself to love, living her life all these years trapped in the memory of a pain caused by the feeling of being hurt when her mother had died, leaving her alone; with no choice. She had never wanted to feel that helpless, heartbreaking pain again and so to prevent it, she had refused to let anyone inside her heart. Choosing to live alone, cultivating the garden of ice she had buried her heart in until it was so thick that even the warmth of another person's confession of love could not break through the protective barrier.

_Shizuru!_

Natsuki hadn't spoken with her since that night. Not that she'd tried really. Haruka had brought the news to her, though, that Shizuru had pulled out of Fuuka University to return home to Kyoto and enrolled in a fashion design school there. That was the last she'd heard of any news concerning her friend.

_My friend,_ she moaned desperately. _God, I was a such a bitch to her. When she needed me most, I turned away from her. I pushed her away. Fuck me, I'm such a self-centered ass! _Wiping the tears from her eyes, she grabbed her cellphone. She'd call her. Like Mai advocated she do earlier. She and Shizuru could have a Christmas Eve reunion. Yes! And then...then she would work to somehow make everything between them alright. Surely Shizuru would listen to her explanation. Surely she would accept her apology. It wasn't too late. It was never too late to admit that one was at fault and right a wrong! She yanked the phone back out of her jacket pocket, fingers trembling as she thumbed through the few contact info she had stored on her phone until she found Shizuru's name. Taking a deep breath, she hit dial. And waited for the sound of Shizuru's voice.

The sound that greeted her caused her heart to stop. Instead of the sound of the girl's voice she frantically wanted to hear, she received instead a modulated female voice stating that the number she had dialed had been disconnected or was no longer in service. "What the fuck?" she muttered, clearing the call and carefully hitting Shizuru's number again. Maybe she'd hit the wrong button in her excitement. But the same message greeted her second attempt at reaching Shizuru.

Natsuki dropped the phone onto the coffee table with useless fingers. It clattered against the side of the ashtray, knocking it over on its side, spilling ashes onto the table top and rug beneath it. Realization of what this meant was instantaneous and brutal. _She didn't want me trying to get in touch with her after that night, _she thought heavily as a feeling of numbness seeped into her body, seeped into her blood, working its way into her heart. Shizuru had apparently changed her number or either blocked her phone from accepting any call from Natsuki's cellphone. The knowledge that Shizuru had transferred to another school had hurt, a little, but Natsuki had, at the time, thought it merely a temporary thing. She had foolishly believed that her best friend would return after a cooling off period. What she hadn't counted on was the finality of that one act. It was clear now that Shizuru had effectively severed all ties with her when she moved back to Kyoto. The message finally hit home as Natsuki tried one last time to get Shizuru's phone, punching in the girl's numbers one by one just to make sure she had the correct number. The moment she heard the same recorded voice, Natsuki canceled the call, a look of confused pain canvasing her face.

"What did you expect?" she asked herself mournfully, her heartbreak combined with the effects of the three beers she'd had working to make her head feel as if was stuffed with cotton, a wave of dizziness closing in on her. "What did I expect?" she asked again louder, standing up, walking unsteadily towards the Christmas tree Mai and Mikoto had forced upon her. "Did I expect to just...call her out of the blue five months later on a Christmas Eve and have the past miraculously erased like some fucking miracle?" The lights of the tree blurred in her vision as her eyes began to water. Dropping heavily to her knees in front of the tree, Natsuki Kuga let the grief and sorrow of her loneliness embrace her once again. _Alone._

A gust of wind whipped an icy spattering of frozen snow against the window and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. No use sitting in the floor and catching a cold from the draft, she thought dully, barely noticing the tears staining her cheeks as she put her hands on the floor and slowly pushed herself up. That was when she saw the slip of paper lying beside her fingers. Picking it up, she opened it, trying to press the wrinkles out from when she'd wadded it up into a ball and tossed it here.

**Speak truth to dispel the lie lived.  
><strong>**Believe.  
><strong>**The Spirit of Christmas is upon you.**

The words seemed to strike a resonating chord within her thudding heart. Standing up, she held the paper clutched in one hand and closed her eyes. _Speak truth to dispel the lie lived. _"I lied to Shizuru that night five months ago. I knew it for a lie even as I spoke it. I was t-too much of a coward to tell her the truth. The truth that I needed her. The truth that...I loved her. More than anyone else in my sad, pathetic life, she was the one that brought me happiness. Her smile, her laughter. Even her stupid teasing. I miss it. I miss HER. I wish I could go back...to that night...and change it all. To take my pain away. To keep her from feeling any more pain. Pain caused by my lies. I believe we would have been good for one another. I believe she was my salvation. Without her, I am more lost than I have ever been in my life."

Natsuki's breath hitched in her chest as she knelt back down in front of the Christmas tree, her head bowed as if in prayer, uttering words she never thought she would hear herself say. Believing in something she had tried for years to deny. "I love you Shizuru. I always have. One day, I hope you can forgive me. And then...maybe then...I can also forgive myself for living trapped in a lie of my own design." And as the wind howled in a sympathetic moan, Natsuki wept.


	3. Chapter 3

greetings and salutations! first, a warm thank you to everyone who read this little Christmas tale as well as to those who actually took the time to leave a review...i appreciate your continued support of my writing endeavors...i hope you will enjoy this next chapter as well...and in the spirit of the season, why not give ALL writers of ANY story you take the time to read in these next few weeks...a gift of your own...the gift of YOUR words in a review...Merry Christmas yall!

"No amount of manifest absurdity...could deter those who wanted to _Believe_, from believing."  
>~Bernard Levin~<p>

**CHAPTER THREE**

Something was tickling the side of her face causing her cheek to twitch involuntarily. Reaching a hand up, Natsuki absently swiped her fingers across her cheek and felt...a spider? Eyes snapping open, the girl sat straight up, slapping at her face with one hand, struggling to wake up. _What? Wake up? I've been asleep?_ Blinking in confusion, it took her a moment to acclimate herself and figure out what had just happened. It was dark in her apartment and she was sitting in the floor beside the Christmas tree, the only light on in the vacuous space the illumination given off by the multicolored strands of lights strung around the tree.

"What the HELL?" she asked aloud, rubbing at her face, only now realizing that it hadn't been a spider crawling over her cheek but the drooping branch of the Christmas tree which had tickled her into wakefulness. She'd fallen asleep in the floor underneath the damn tree! _Kuga you IDIOT!_ she chided herself, fighting with a string of blinking lights that had become tangled in her hair as she sat up. She yawned with a one-armed stretch before scrubbing her knuckles against her eyes in an effort to wake up. "Falling asleep beneath a damn Christmas tree! Gah! How lame!" she reprimanded herself in a snide voice. Crawling a few feet away from the reaching arms of the tree, Natsuki climbed to her feet and blinked dully before suddenly giving a startled gasp. _What time is it?_ Jesus, if she was late for the dinner engagement Mai would never let her hear the end of it.

Glancing outside, she cringed to see that the afternoon sunlight had vanished, leaving in its wake a blanket of darkness which had encompassed the docks below. Street lights were aglow as well as the festive, holiday lights decorating several of the buildings across the way. She could see the huge Christmas tree constructed of green and red bulbs welded onto a frame of meshed wire winking merrily as it sat atop the warehouse owned by the Banzai Brothers Brewing Company.

"Shit!" Natsuki cursed, jogging towards the kitchen and the only clock she had in her apartment; the one built into the face of the fridge. It was dark in the kitchen, the sound of the refrigerator humming quietly the only sound she could hear. But she didn't need a light on in order to read the glowing green numerals of the digital clock shining from the surface of the refrigerator door. 6:30. She'd slept the afternoon away. "Dammit!" she huffed, heading back towards the living room. That didn't give her much time to get ready and make her way to the restaurant. Pausing to switch on the track-lighting hanging from metal bars over the couch, she peeked out one of the windows, wincing at the scene below. In the time she'd wasted snoozing under the tree like an unwrapped Christmas present, the weather outside had turned decidedly nasty. An inch or more of snow had fallen in the interim, covering the streets in a milky, white powder, some of it already piling up in the corners of the buildings and on top of the vehicles. An errant gust of wind blew across the window, sending snow and crystallized ice pellets pinging against the glass. It was not going to be an easy drive through the streets of Fuuka City tonight.

_Maybe Mai will cancel,_ she thought cheerfully, walking back over to the couch, hoping to see a message from the girl on her cellphone. A quick flip of the cover revealed no new messages nor missed calls. Letting out a disappointed groan, Natsuki dropped the phone back onto the coffee table, resigned to the fact that she'd need to get ready and leave now in order to make it on time, when the phone chirped for attention. She knew immediately that it was Mai based solely on the ring-tone she'd chosen as the girl's personal ring. It was a brassy rendition of Adam Ant's song "Goody Two Shoes." Natsuki had the song playing on a loop so all she heard were the words 'Don't drink, don't smoke, what do ya do? Goody two, goody two, goody goody two shoes' playing over and over. It amused her and pissed Mai off. So she kept the ring-tone.

She tried to keep the excitement of a possible cancellation out of her voice as she answered. "Hey Mai." Natsuki's heart gave a little leap of joy as she vigorously nodded her head at the girl's first words. "Yeah. I know. I just looked out the window. I was like...oh MAN! Guess we'll have to call off..." Her exuberant smile wilted into a scowling grimace. "Wait, WHAT?" she shouted, stomping back over to the window and peering out. If anything, the snow was coming down even harder. "What do you mean 'it looks beautiful tonight?' I thought you were calling to cancel!" She ran one hand through her dark hair, biting back the acidic comment poised on the tip of her tongue as she listened to Mai prattle on about what a lovely backdrop to the festive evening the snow was going to make tonight. Natsuki flinched as several of the fingers she'd been combing through her hair snagged, discovering to her dismay, an area of sticky sap from the Christmas tree which had matted her hair into a clump.

She rolled her eyes, forced to endure yet another of her friend's expostulations on the glories of having the first official snow of the season dumped on them on a Christmas Eve. Natsuki, however, couldn't even pretend to understand her friend's depth of enthusiasm, cutting Mai off with a harsh, "Yeah well, it's easy for YOU to talk. You're gonna be in a nice, warm cab all the way over to the restaurant. Unlike me. It's gonna be HELL trying to drive through that mess." A pause before Natsuki blurted in indignation, "Of COURSE I can drive in weather like this! I've been riding and racing motorcycles since I was...I only meant..." Giving one last forlorn look at the snowy streets below, the girl hung her head in submission, making her way to the bathroom. "Yeah," she mumbled into the phone. "I said YES!" she amended heatedly. "I'm gonna get ready and leave now." She chewed on her bottom lip in irritation as Mai continued to spout her Christmas rhetoric before giving in with a small upward curl of her lip in what she assumed was a smile, but which in actuality looked more like a sneer. "Sounds good. I won't be late. And yes, I'll meet you out front. Merry Christmas to you too Mai," she finished, stuffing the phone into the front pocket of her jeans as she entered the bathroom.

Flipping on the lights, she fingered the area of her hair gooed over with the tree sap and groaned. How the hell was she supposed to remove a glob of sticky tree sap from her hair? If worse came to worse, she guessed she could always just cut it out. Either that or have a permanent knot in her hair, which would never do because even the girl in question had to admit, she was extremely vain when it came to her hair. Shedding her clothes into a pile on the bathroom floor, Natsuki jumped into the shower, yelping as the cold water rained down over her body. In her worry over her hair and agitation with Mai, she'd forgotten to adjust the temperature of the water.

Fifteen minutes later Natsuki stood in front of the bathroom mirror, wrapped in an overly large towel, kitchen scissors gripped in one hand, the offending glob of sappy hair in the other. Try as she might, she hadn't been able to wash the crap from her hair. If anything, the shampoo had only served to make it even stickier. And running a comb through it was clearly a mistake. Not only had it hurt like hell but it had also spread the sticky substance to other unaffected strands. Her only recourse was...cut it out. She winced. It was gonna show. Oh well. She'd rather deal with a little lopsided hair than walk around smelling like one of those pine-tree shaped incense things people with no taste hung from their car's rear view mirrors. With her continued bitching and moaning, she wasn't even aware that she'd made the cut until her hand fell away from her head, the sticky hair clutched between her fingers. Shuddering, she dropped the blue-black hair into the wastebasket. _So this is how Sampson felt when Delilah cut his hair, huh?_ She chuckled at the comparison, leaving the light on as she headed for her bedroom.

The bedroom in the loft apartment had been constructed above the main floor. A set of sculpted metal and wood stairs led up to Natsuki's bedroom which had an open front coming up from the stairs. A matching metal and wood, glass paneled half wall was constructed so that once in the upstairs area, one could look out and see the entire apartment spread out below, from the bedroom. The foreman of the company she'd hired to do the refurbishing of the warehouse had suggested the idea to her. He had pointed out that with the ceilings of the warehouse so high, it would not only allow for a very unique design to the loft but would also save more space on the main floor, which turned out to be perfect for her plans on using an area of the apartment for her motorcycle prototyping. Plus, it didnt' hurt that she'd also received an enthusiastic thumbs up from her realtor on the idea as well.

Climbing the steps up to her bedroom, Natsuki wondered what she had to wear that would fit Mai's description of 'dressing festive.' Turning the knob which controlled the recessed lighting in the room's low ceiling, the girl ambled over to a large metal box on one side of the room. It was her closet. She'd had the inspiration to make one large, free standing closet out of metal, which when finished, had the appearance of a gym locker. Not that she loved phys ed so much that she wanted a locker to remind her of the stupid class, but rather because the locker-like closet just looked cool. The two black, metal doors folded in and out on both sides when she tugged at the handles, exposing the clothes inside. Natsuki stood framed in the closet doors, one hand on her chin, the other playing with the ends of her recently cropped hair. Most everything in her closet was either denim or black; a few pieces made from both. She just wasn't into the whole fashion scene as most of the other girls she knew. In fact, the most colorful article of clothing she owned was her Fuuka Academy uniform and she'd be double damned if she was gonna wear that tonight!

Sighing, she began rummaging through the hanging clothes, shaking her head as she cataloged her gear. "What the fuck, Mai!" she growled. "I don't own anything even remotely 'festive!' Like I have a grandma sweater with a Christmas tree on it or something. Gimmie a break! I don't even have anything green OR red." Giving her head a rueful shake, Natsuki gathered up what she intended to wear and closed the closet. Dumping everything onto the black and maroon bed spread, she pulled open her lingerie drawer; one of many. Pawing through the contents, she selected a red, lacy bra and a pair of red mens boxer shorts, the fabric printed all over with martini glasses. She smiled mischievously as she let the towel she was wearing drop to the floor at her feet. Shivering as the cold reached out to lay it's icy fingers on her exposed flesh, Natsuki let out a bark of laughter.

_Let Mai ride me tonight for my lack of festive clothing_, she chuckled mirthfully, pushing her arms through the straps of the red bra, reaching around to the back and hooking the clasps._ I'll give her an unexpected peep show of my red undies. Ho, Ho, Ho! _She laughed aloud as she stepped into her boxers, pulling them up with a flourish and a snap of the waistband.

Within minutes, Natsuki was dressed. Another trip to the closet for a pair of shoes and her attire for the evening was complete. Standing in front of the full length mirror mounted on the wall beside the metal closet, the girl eyed herself skeptically. Not very festive, but who even cared anyway but MAI. In her opinion she looked perfectly fine. She'd chosen a pair of skinny jeans, a thick black leather belt with a silver buckle, a long-sleeved, thick, white t-shirt topped off with a black button up vest. She'd even put on a thin, red necktie and her red leather Converse high tops. Sticking her hands in the front pockets of her jeans, she slouched, affecting an air of James Dean indifference, her signature stance, and flashed herself a Cheshire Cat's grin. _Almost perfect. _There was one other thing she wanted to add to her evening attire.

Leaving her wet towel in the floor beside the bed, she went back down the stairs. Pausing at the bookshelf to grab her box of smokes, she reached out to set the picture she'd earlier slammed face down back into it's original position. As she placed the frame beside the other one, something caught her eye and she picked up the photograph, bringing it closer for a better view. There was a slight discoloring on the picture of her straddling her motorcycle that wasn't there earlier. Wiping her thumb over the glass, she frowned. _What the fuck?_ Was it mildew? A water spot caused by condensation? Or maybe the fluctuating temperature in the drafty apartment had caused the picture beneath the glass to warp. She glanced at the other photograph, the one with all her friends at the karaoke night. It was in perfect condition. No discoloration at all. Natsuki chewed on her bottom lip a moment, eyes locked on the strange discoloration that had appeared directly behind her as she sat grinning on her bike. No other area of the picture was marred. _Just great!_ She grumbled to herself, putting the picture down, continuing her trek towards the kitchen._ Guess I better get someone in here to see if the heating and cooling unit needs tweaking. Don't need an infestation of mildew in the place._ She shuddered. Gross.

She flipped on the kitchen light as she entered the area, pulling open a drawer beside the stove she'd never used and immediately began rummaging around inside, pawing through all the accumulated junk that either had no other place to go or else very little significance. _Where was that ziploc bag? _She fumed, yelping as she inadvertently pricked her finger with an open safety pin laying hidden in the depths of the junk drawer like a booby trap. Sticking the finger into her mouth, the coppery taste of blood slid across her tongue as she sucked on the smarting fingertip. Still digging through the odds and ends, she smiled triumphantly as she located the bag she'd been searching for. Fishing it out from beneath a takeout menu from a local Mexican restaurant, she pushed the drawer closed with her hip and trotted to the bathroom, wincing at the time on the fridge clock. 7:09._ I can't believe I'm gonna actually waste time doing this,_ she chided herself, pulling out a length of red string from the ziploc bag. The day Mai and Mikoto had showed up with the Christmas tree and the gift, they'd also left a bag full of assorted Christmas paraphernalia that Mai claimed she might need in order to wrap her own gifts. Even after she'd told the girl she didn't believe in the giving of gifts for the holiday, her friend had just smiled and said, "Ya never know."

She planted herself in front of the oval shaped mirror, pulling out a long length of the red Christmas ribbon usually used in adding a finishing touch to holiday gift wrapping. Tonight, the ribbon had another purpose. The material was soft with a deep, crimson coloring. It felt good slipping between her fingers. Combing out the shorter strands and tying the ribbon onto a piece of her dark hair, she begin braiding the ribbon into it, looping it over and under and back again until she had turned the uneven mess into a festive looking, thin braid that hung down beside her face. She stretched a tiny rubber band around the ends of the braid and wrapped a few more loops of the ribbon around the rubber band, tying it off. She then gave the end of the ribbon a quick snip and reached back into the ziploc bag, pulling out an assortment of miniature bells. Choosing a small silver bell, she attached it to the end of the ribbon. She smiled a crooked smile and gave her head a little shake, the sound of the bell tinking barely audible to her ears.

A huge grin replaced the crooked smile as another idea blossomed in her head. Picking up the length of ribbon left over from the braid, she threaded it around her wrist, on the outside of her long-sleeved t-shirt. Giving it several generous twists, she finished looping the ribbon before securing it with a sturdy knot. Instead of a bell, which she'd been planning on using to add the finishing touch, she instead, pulled a blank gift tag from the bag full of Christmas accoutrements and affixed it to the end of the ribbon. It dangled from her wrist like a paper charm.

"How's that for Christmas flair, Tokiha?" Natuski asked her own reflection, a merry sparkle suddenly lighting up the depths of her emerald eyes. She giggled, a wave of unexplainable giddiness pushing the unnatural sound past the stupid grin plastered across her face.

A look of startled mortification replaced the merriment in her eyes. Trying to regain a sense of self-control, she slapped one hand over her mouth to stop the insidious sound of Natsuki Kuga...giggling? "You must be losing it!" she accused the girl in the mirror, wondering how she'd miraculously transformed from the level headed Christmas skeptic into the wide-eyed Cindy Lou Who who believed in the spirit of Christmas, even as it was being stolen right from beneath her very nose by the Grinch.

**Speak truth to dispel the lie lived.  
><strong>**Believe.  
><strong>**The Spirit of Christmas is upon you. **

The cheezy words on the slip of paper she'd discovered in the candy cane burned their way back into her mind and she frowned, unwilling to believe something as random as that could have any effect over her life. And yet...it wasn't until after she'd read those words that she'd tried to call Shizuru. And all that had accomplished was to make her feel like shit when she realized that the girl didn't want to have any further contact with her. Who cold blame her? After what she'd said to her. And still, a small seed of...belief had been planted in the once barren ground of her icy heart. She could find no words to define this sudden shift in her heart and mind. No tangible reason to still feel so hopeful even after she'd discovered Shizuru no longer wanted to receive her calls. The old Natsuki would've been full of repressed anger and bitterness at not being able to reach Shizuru. Unlike the resilient manner in which she found herself dealing with that knowledge now. Maybe it was the fact that she'd finally faced up to the realization that she actully needed and wanted Shizuru in her life. The old Natsuki would never have had the...courage to admit to something like that.

_Old Natsuki? _the girl pondered. _That's TWICE I've refered to myself as the OLD Natsuki._ _Since when did my feelings before a few hours ago become the way 'old Natsuki' would've reacted?_

**Speak truth to dispel the lie lived.**

_No way! There is no way something as arbitrary as a holiday fortune pulled from a piece of candy could make me go all Christmas Crazy! _But the truth was, she DID feel different. She was even acting differently. She gave her head a quick shake and was momentarily surprised to hear the silvery tinkling of the bell she'd tied to her braid. Natsuki had to laugh at the look of confusion sketched across the reflection of her own face in the mirror at the sound of the bell.

Giving her hair a flip over one shoulder, she let the questions concerning her odd behavior drop. _Whatever! _she jeered. She was running late enough already. She certainly didn't have time for a philosophical debate with herself over the sudden shift in her attitude. She'd just accept it as...Christmas spirit. Man was she EVER gonna kick Mai's ass for infecting her with this holiday zeal.

She snatched up the pair of dirty jeans she'd left discarded in the bathroom floor after her shower and pulled out her cellphone. A quick flip of the cover revealed she had no missed calls or unread text messages. She heaved a small sigh of disappointment. But what had she expected? For Shizuru to have returned a call she'd never received in the first place? A quick brushing of her teeth and Natsuki flipped the bathroom light off, finally ready to leave.

Retrieving her jacket off the back of the couch in passing, she stuffed her arms into the sleeves and zipped it up as she strode towards her bike. A pair of fingerless, black leather gloves were in her jacket pocket and she pulled them on once she reached the motorcycle, grabbing a light gray scarf off of the coat rack beside the elevator. She wrapped it around her neck a few times, snagged her keys from the small metal table on the other side of the elevator door, and eased her bike off the kickstand, pushing it into the crate elevator.

She was already shivering by the time she had managed to push the Ducati out of the elevator and to the exit on the bottom floor. It was cold in the warehouse downstairs because she didn't want to waste the expense of heating and cooling an area she didn't use. She was seriously running low on funds as it was.

As soon as she'd gotten the bike out the warehouse door and locked up behind her, Natsuki knew the ride to the restaurant was not going to be fun. The snow was coming down hard. The streets already holding a loose packing of the stuff, hiding potentially dangerous patches of ice beneath.

"Mai," she growled, throwing one leg over the bike, turning the key in the ignition and gunning the engine, the fingers in her fingerless gloves already burning from the cold, "if I kill myself trying to get to your stupid dinner tonight, I promise my ghost will haunt you until the day you die. And then, I'll kick your ass!" A smile flittered across her face at that thought before it was replaced with a frown as she jammed the open faced helmet down over her head. Flipping on the bike's headlight, Natsuki eased the motorcycle out into the street and began her careful drive to the restaurant.

* * *

><p>After Natsuki had secured her bike in the restaurant parking lot and draped it with a canvas tarp to protect it from the weather, she checked the time on her cellphone and discovered she was a few minutes early. A quick stroll through the crowded restaurant showed no signs of Mai nor Mikoto so she decided to step back out front to have a quick smoke. Huddled under the awning which was snapping smartly in the wind, she pulled a Dunhill from its box and fired it up, her shoulders hunched protectively around the cigarette to keep the snow from blowing in on her and the smoke. Nothing sucked more than trying to smoke a wet cigarette.<p>

She took a quick drag, her fingers numb, ears stinging from the cold and blew the pungent smelling cloud of smoke out in a long exhalation. _Where the hell is Mai? If she's late, I'm going to...deck her halls with my fists._ She laughed, choking on a mouthful of smoke at the image of this scene as it played out in her mind; Mai screaming 'Where's your Christmas spirit Natsuki?' as she pounded the girl with tinsel wrapped fists. "Fa-la-fucking-la!" she sang, unable to supress a chill that started at her frozen toes and worked itself up.

"Why Natsuki Kuga. Wanna tell me why you're standing outside shivering in a snow storm, singing obscene Christmas carols to the wall?"

Natsuki's heart thudded heavily inside her chest. She didn't even need to turn around to know who it was that was addressing her. Just the sound of the girl's heavily accented Kyoto born speech was enough. Raising her head, lowering her hunched shoulders, Natsuki slowly turned around, her face a mix of surprise, fear and unadulterated joy. "Hey...you," was all she could manage to say to the girl standing before her. She wanted to say more...much more; but it seemed her brain was just as frozen as the fingers holding the cigarette.

Shizuru Fujino was the very last person Natsuki expected to see tonight, or anytime soon for that matter. And yet, here she was, a quizzical smile pulling the corners of her lips up, crimson eyes alight with a fire that burned eerily in their twin depths. The girl's light brown hair was pulled up on one side of her head; an intricately carved, wooden comb holding her hair back away from one ear. A few strands of hair had been left to artfully dangle down beside her cheek, the exposed ear pierced with a silver hoop earring; the metal flashing as it caught a glint from the wall mounted sconce on the wall. She was dressed in a cream colored sweater with ribbed cuffs and a large, open necked ribbed collar, exposing the pale skin of her neck. As she stood with one hand on her hip, the sweater had slipped off of one shoulder, revealing the strap of a maroon colored, silk camisole beneath. Her skirt was maroon as well, corduroy, well fitted, hugging Shizuru's hips before ending slightly above the knees. The belt threaded through the loops on her skirt was thin and beige, hooked in front with a silver linked chain loosely hanging around her waist, the silver clasp fashioned in the form of her initials. A pair of thick, thigh length knit leggings extended up her shapely legs, a pair of dark brown ankle boots on her feet, several boot charms dangling from the zipper of one boot. All of this Natsuki took in with one look, her eyes devouring the sight of the girl she hadn't seen in over five months. She'd never seen anyone so...breath taking.

She had to work moisture back into a mouth gone suddenly dry in order to speak. "How did...why are you...?" Natsuki couldn't get much more than that out as she struggled to process the fact that Shizuru was standing right in front of her. In her state of confused shock, she wasn't even aware she was still holding a cigarette until she felt the stinging burn of the flame as it ashed out against the tip of one finger. "Fuck!" she cried, hurriedly dropping the cigarette butt and sticking the burned finger into her mouth.

Shizuru arched one cool eyebrow and frowned. "Since when did you start smoking again, Natsuki? Such a nasty habit! I thought you'd shrugged that little vice off years ago?"

"I...I did. I mean...just recently...I," she protested, feeling like a fool for trying to talk while sucking on one finger. Putting both hands behind her back, she swallowed and tried to regain a little bit of composure before asking, "Did Mai call you? Is that why you're here?"

"Now why on earth would Miss Tokiha call me?" Shizuru questioned. "However, I was sitting at the bar having a drink with a friend from school when..."

Natsuki lost the rest of what Shizuru said as emerald colored eyes narrowed, her fingers curling around the palms of her hands into fists. She felt suddenly weightless, the throbbing buzz of her heart filling her own ears as the green fingers of jealousy mercilessly began to squeeze the breath from her lungs._ Of course she's here with someone. A girl like Shizuru, she wouldn't have to spend Christmas Eve all alone. Anyone would be glad to... _She gave herself a mental shake as the rest of Shizuru's words penetrated the suffocating confinement of her discontent. "Wait. What? What did you just say?"

"I said I thought I saw Miss Tokiha and some of her party arrive about ten minutes ago." Shizuru wrapped her arms around herself and shivered, watching the strange mix of emotions vying for control on Natsuki's face.

_Damn you Tokiha! Making me stand out here in the cold and you're already here. You told me to meet you in FRONT of the restaurant. _She was interrupted from further silent Mai-bashing when she felt Shizuru slide her arm through hers and give a gentle tug.

"Let's get you in out of this cold weather and into a warm drink. They make the most fabulous spiced wine here. And quite frankly, I'm starting to loose feeling in my fingers." She laughed, the resonance of her laughter rich and full, a sound Natsuki thought she would never hear again. She felt the warmth of her love for the young woman radiate out from her heart, speeding along every nerve in her body, warming her better than if she were standing in front of a roaring fire.

"God, I've missed you Shizuru." The words came without thought. An impulse of heartfelt feeling that would not be denied; a truth that found freedom on the cold breath of a Christmas Eve confession.

Stepping through the restaurant door as the dark haired girl held it open for her, Shizuru hugged Natsuki's arm closer against her own body, the raw emotion in the girl's voice causing her to stare momentarily, an uncertain, yet at the same time, loving look in her eyes. "It was difficult being apart from you for so long," she agreed, pausing to let Natsuki shake the snow from her jacket and scarf before continuing into the restaurant proper. "I don't know how we managed," she finished with a quiet laugh, giving the girl's arm a commiserate squeeze.

Natsuki stopped just inside the door, a puzzled look on her face. _Why is Shizuru acting as if nothing happened between us? Has she forgiven me for the hateful things I said that night five months ago? And what the hell is she doing here if Mai hadn't called her and told her about the dinner party?_ She reached out and placed her hand around the other girl's arm, halting her in mid step. "Shizuru..." she began, a million questions fighting to be asked first, but as luck would have it, she was interrupted by a loud, obnoxious clamor.

"There you two are!" the clamoring continued, materializing into the shape of a busty blonde, hands on her hips. "I thought I was going to have to organize and send out a search party. Because I sure as hell wasn't about to get out in this weather and look for you." Haruka Suzushiro was standing beside a stool at the bar. She reached out with one hand and casually snagged the drink that had been sitting in front of her. Pushing her way through the crowd milling about the interior of the restaurant, Haruka approached the two girls, one looking a bit dazed, the other wearing an amused smile. Neither girl made any type of comment as Haruka stopped in front of them. "Well?" she demanded imperiously, violet eyes darting from one girl to the other. "Are we just gonna stand here like a bunch of _mandolins_ or are we gonna go have a seat?"

A quiet voice piped up from behind the imposing form of Haruka. "Ummm, I think you mean _mannequins _Haruka and NOT _mandolins_." Yukino Kikukawa emerged from the sea of bodies surrounding the bar. Her cheeks wore a faint blush from drink, brown eyes behind her half wire-rimmed glasses a bit glassy. She was smiling merrily as she walked over and stood beside Haruka. Like her friend, she also held a glass clutched in one hand. "Miss Kuga, it's good to see you again." Yukino hiccuped. "I've been busy with the student council the past few weeks, so many meetings with the faculty members concerning the upcoming years lineup of activities. I sure needed this dinner party Mai threw to unwind a bit."

"Uh..." was all that Natsuki could get out before Haruka took over the reigns of the conversation yet again.

"Well, now that Fujino has finally located her missing date, let's get back to the party. My uncle, who just so happens to own this place," she boasted showily, elbowing her way past a couple waiting to be seated at the bar, "said we could have the private dinning room for as long as we wanted tonight. There's a D.J. booth and a small dance floor in the private party room as well. And yes, before you ask Natsuki, it's an open bar. Drinks and food are on the house. We Shuzushiro's know how to be generous to those less fortunate than ourselves."

Everything was moving too fast. Natsuki's mind was reeling from all the disjointed information overloading its cognizant thought circuits. She couldn't process all of it at once. The first issue she was dealing with was the realization that the 'friend' Shizuru had been having a drink with was in actuality Haruka. And yet, the girl had claimed to be sitting with a friend from school. _Since when did Suzushiro drop out of Fuuka Academy and enroll in Shizuru's school in Kyoto?_ Better yet, why? As far as Natsuki knew, Shizuru's was a fashion design school and Haruka had been majoring in business administration. The green cloud of jealousy which had descended on her upon hearing Shizuru was here with a friend began to dissipate, only to be replaced with a heightened sense of disorientation. _What the hell is going on?_

Before Natsuki could pull Shizuru's attention to her and indicate she wanted to talk, she shuddered as she felt someone's eyes boring into the back of her head. Craning her neck slightly, she scanned the crowd surrounding them, her eyes roving over the people seated at the bar, the area from whence she felt the gaze on her originated. Too many people. She'd never figure out who, if anyone, was the perpetrator with all the activity in here. Maybe it was just paranoia. This had already been one hell of a day, and the evening seemed to be lining up to be just as weird. _Wait! There!_ Her eyes abruptly locked on a pair of white colored eyes, eyes belonging to a man who was watching her intently from a seat at the bar. He was dressed in the black coat she remembered from this morning, shoulder length white hair gleaming like newly fallen snow. Lifting the glass he was sipping from in a toast towards her, the man smiled. Natsuki wasn't sure, but she thought she saw the word _'Believe'_ pass his lips before he was lost from sight behind a man wearing a Santa Claus suit who stumbled into her.

"S'cuse me girlie," the man who bumped into her slurred, continuing his drunken path towards his next drink. Cursing the idiot who'd caused her to lose her mark, Natsuki tried to relocate the strange man again in the crowd at the bar. She found the spot where she'd last seen him. The stool on which he'd been perched was empty, the glass he'd raised in greeting to her, abandoned. Either she'd imagined the whole scene at the bar or they guy had moved. Was he behind all the madness this evening? And just who was he anyway? Why had he given her that stupid piece of candy this morning? Of all people, why her? Things like that just didn't happen in the real world. She'd wanted to confront him and ask what the hell he was playing at, but her chance had apparently slipped away.

The sound of Shizuru's voice captured Natsuki's attention, bringing it back to the girl walking so close beside her. "Yes Haruka. You're quite the philanthropist, donating a dinning room to Mai for tonight's get together." She caught Natsuki looking at her and winked, rolling her eyes in Haruka's direction as if to say 'She's so full of herself'."

Natsuki pulled her mouth into a grin, a forced smile for the benefit of the girl walking beside her. But she didn't feel like smiling. She felt like throwing her head back and howling, "What the FUCK is going on?" at the top of her lungs. She barely manged to suppress a crazed cackle.

There were less people in the back of the restaurant where the private dinning rooms were located and the three girls followed the blonde as she strode like a general heading to the front lines, leading them to the room reserved for Mai's dinner. Throwing her voice over one shoulder, Haruka stated suspiciously, "I'm not sure just what 'philanthropist' means Fujino, but it better mean I'm something good."

"Oh you're something alright, Miss Suzushiro," Shizuru responded in a deadpan voice.

"It means you're good at giving to those less fortunate than yourself; that you care about the welfare of others" Yukino explained, shrugging her shoulders at Natsuki and Shizuru as if to apologize for her friend's insufferable behavior.

"Excellent word choice Fujino! That word describes me to a TEETH!" Haruka exclaimed, stopping in front of a set of wooden doors with a handmade posterboard sitting on an easel by the side. It read "Mai Tokiha's Holiday Party! Tis the season for friends and family. Merry Christmas! "For the Spirit of Christmas fulfills the greatest hunger of mankind." The entire board was covered in a mess of glitter and tinsel.

Natsuki would've laughed at Mai's placard if she even understood a half of what was going on tonight. She felt Shizuru's fingers lightly gripping her elbow as the girl leaned closer to her ear and whispered, "Well, shall we join the festivities?"

Natsuki was helpless. She was desperate to talk to Shizuru alone. She needed to figure out what was happening. She was also curious to know when and why Mai had turned an intimate Christmas Eve dinner into a party that required a private dinning room. Had she missed something? Had her friend planned this all along? Had the world as she knew it suddenly turned upside down? She wanted answers dammit! But all she could do was stand in mute silence, her heart pounding inside her chest as Haruka threw open the doors to the private dinning room, ushering the three girls waiting behind her in with a flourish and a bow. Then... Natsuki's life got even stranger!


	4. Chapter 4

hey hey hey...i know...its been hella long since i updated this story...unfortunately...i have NO excuse other than the fact that...i lost the desire to write...-shrieks- THE HORROR...i know right...but...what's a girl to do when her one and only muse up and takes off on holiday with another writer's muse?...absolutely nothing...thank GOD she decided to return...bringing with her not only pictures of her enjoying her vacation...but also the inspiration i was lacking in her absence...so...you dear readers can consider this an early christmas gift...or a very belated one...lol...either way..merry christmas in JULY...its fucking hot as hell so perhaps a nice wintry story will help cool us all off...-face palm- what am i saying...of COURSE my story can't do anything about the frakin heat...but...it will give you something to do as you stay nice and cool inside your apartment...or house...or trailer...or cave..or where ever it is that you call home...so...ummm..yeah...thanks to all who have sent little notes to me in my absence...they made me smile...do enjoy my little story...and as per the norm...concerning the wherewithalls and whodidthats and other bullshit disclaimers...let me just say that I.D.O.S. =) feel free to leave a lil review if you wish...if not...feel free to enjoy the read...

**"Back of every creation, supporting it like an arch, is faith. Enthusiasm is nothing: it comes and goes. But if one believes, then miracles occur." ~Henry Miller~**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER FOUR<strong>

The scene spread out before them as Haruka opened the double doors to the private dining room was everything one could ask for in a Christmas get together. And everything Natsuki Kuga had expected to avoid. The private dining room was decked out in the usual stuff one tended to see in expensive restaurants and boutiques during the holiday season. Strands of clear lights hung caught in a net over the table and bar area, branches from real pine trees with gold bows wrapped around them festooned several places along the walls and a miniature Christmas tree occupied a corner close to the small, wooden dance floor. The tree was garbed in its own raiment of softly glowing lights, these fashioned in the shapes of small candles. Permeating the room was the smell of fresh pine and cinnamon.

Natsuki had arrived tonight anticipating a small, intimate dinner with a few friends. But somehow, the few friends had turned into a crowd. She saw Akira Okazaki playing darts with Mai's younger brother Takumi. Natsuki's eyebrows rose as she watched the girl place three darts in her hand and with a casual flick of the wrist, send the darts like precision, projectile missiles toward the dart board. All three of the darts hit the bulls-eye dead center. Akira then turned and stuck her tongue out at Takumi, who was laughing and applauding his girlfriend's throw. Reito Minagi, Mikoto's older brother, had a tall, thin girl that Natsuki had never seen before out on the dance floor. Reito was dressed impeccably in a dark gray tuxedo with a white carnation pinned in his boutonniere. The young woman in his arms was wearing a sleek, black dress with some type of white fur around the cuffs and collar. The two of them together made a picture perfect couple as they danced, their arms locked around each other, swaying in unison on the empty dance floor. The sounds of a smoky saxophone filled the air by the empty D.J. booth as the speakers pumped out smooth Christmas jazz. The hum of simultaneous conversation and the tinkling of ice cubes in drinks as they were lifted drifted lazily above the music in a cloud of subdued noise.

Hearing the sound of a flirtatious laugh float above the cacophony in the room, Natsuki felt the fine hairs on the back of her neck stiffen. _NAO! _Before she could do much more than silently curse the girl's name AND Mai for inviting Nao here to begin with, she felt a strong hand on her back followed by an ungentle shove forward.

"Move it Kuga! This is a dinner party NOT a peep show. So stop standing around gawking like a spectator at a seedy sideshow. Get outta the way so I can get through the door!"

More like a Christmas FREAK show than a PEEP show, Natsuki amended, turning to tell the always annoying Haruka where to stuff it. But she suddenly found herself at a loss for words, literally, as even the breath was knocked out of her when she was ambushed by an...elf?

"Hey Natsuki! Thanks so much for the Christmas present. I just love it!" Trying to regain her breath and pry the arms of her would be attacker from around her waist, Natsuki belatedly realized that the elf in question was Mikoto; dressed in a green sweatshirt two sizes too big with a green elf hat pulled down over her head. Releasing her hold around Natsuki's middle, Mikoto pointed to the shirt she was wearing. On it was a picture of a malevolent looking elf filling the house shoes of sleeping children full of tacks with the words "Elves Are Evil!" stenciled beneath. The younger girl suddenly frowned, her nose sniffing at Natsuki's clothes. "Ewwww!" Mikoto made a face and sneezed, shaking her head like a cat with an ear infection. "You stink Natsuki. Smells like you've been standing too close to the fireplace and singed your clothes. You smell like smoke."

Opening her mouth to comment, Natsuki was denied the satisfaction of a glib rebuttal when just as unexpectedly as she'd appeared, Mikoto bounded away in another fit of hyperactivity, shouting something at Takumi as she scampered towards the couple playing darts.

_Christmas present?_ Natsuki ruminated, confused. _I didn't give ANYONE a Christmas gift._

She jumped at she sound of Shizuru's voice purring in her ear. "That was very sweet Natsuki. Sending everyone a Christmas novelty shirt as a gift this year. I especially enjoyed the witticism on the shirt you gave me." The girl laughed as if at a private joke that Natsuki should understand, brushing against her arm as she moved forward into the dining room.

Natsuki's emerald tinted eyes followed Shizuru's languorous stroll towards the banquet table occupying a prominent place in the hall, the epicenter where most of the laughter and activity in the room seemed to generate from, a prisoner in the confusion of the moment. _Is this a dream? _She wondered dully. The smarting sting of the burn on her finger from the cigarette a few minutes ago convinced her otherwise. She brought her hand up to her face, noticing a small, pink blister forming on the tip of her index finger._ If it's a dream, it sure as hell FEELS real! _

Two arms snaked around her neck and an all too familiar voice broke through her dazed thoughts. "Be a good doggie and give me one of those cigarettes you got stashed in your pocket. Hmmm?"

_Great! Just what I needed_. Natsuki grumbled silently, not in the mood to fend off Nao and her barbed comments and criticisms.

The girl hanging so familiarly around her neck obviously felt the muscles in Natsuki's shoulders stiffen and she responded quickly in a pouty voice. "Oh come on! Don't even try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I could smell the smoke on you halfway across the room. Now come on, be a pal. Slide one of those cancer sticks my way. I'm like, jonesing for a smoke." Nao's mouth turned down in disgust as her narrowed eyes scanned the room. She gave an overly dramatic shudder. "Surrounded by all these goody-two shoes in here is starting to creep me out. I need a reality check. And one of YOUR cigarettes would do the trick quite nicely."

Natsuki turned, too stunned at the girl's greeting to even glower. Nao had released her hold on Natsuki's neck and stood grinning, hands behind her back. She was dressed in a dark green and plaid skirt with a dark green sweater. A somewhat conservative outfit, considering the girl's reputation who was wearing it. A green Santa hat was perched atop her head. Pinned to the hat was a large sprig of mistletoe tied with a red bow. Natsuki would've laughed if she hadn't been further shocked to see the girl's impertinent grin twist into a simpering frown.

"Hurry UP Suki! Are you gonna give me the damn cigarette or not? If you let me bum one, I'll make sure you get a chance to corner Fujino while wearing this hat." Nao flicked the plastic mistletoe with a perfectly manicured nail. "No better excuse to steal a kiss from your sweetie at a Christmas party then when standing beneath the mistletoe." She ran her tongue over her top lip and winked slyly. "Although I'm not sure you even need this lame ass prop in order to get a little action tonight, huh? You've been doing nothing but talking about this night for weeks!" The younger girl threw her head back and chortled.

"Suki?" Natsuki stammered. "The hell?" _Since when did Nao call me anything other than 'mutt' or some other derogatory name. And why is she being so...friendly? _

She was snapped out of her reverie of inner reflection by the feel of Nao's hand snaking inside her jacket, sliding down her ribs and into the pocket of her vest where she'd stashed her smokes. Filching the box quickly, Nao pulled out a cigarette and slid the box of Dunhill's back into Natsuki's pocket with alarming ease. "Fine. I'll get it myself. Thanks. And don't bother with a light. I really don't want Fujino catching me with my hands down the front of your pants in search of a lighter." She laughed, a high pitched giggle coupled with a snort, a gleam of mischief reflected in her almond shaped eyes. "Although, that might be amusing in itself." She turned to leave, concealing the cigarette in the palm of one hand then stopped, whirling back around with a grimace. Leaning in close, she whispered conspiratorially. "Oh, and if Mikoto comes looking for me, don't tell her where I went. Mai would KILL me if her precious Mikoto started smoking. Besides, I promised I'd try and be a better role model to the lil twerp." The affection in her voice gave the statement a soft edge, totally blowing Nao's reputation as the girl who cared for no one other than herself. "Who knew having friends would come with such a price?" she confided, straightening her skirt and running her eyes across the room full of people. "And for God's sake, stop standing around spacing out like a dork. It's Christmas Eve and Santa brought an open bar. Have a drink...or three!" Nao laughed, giving the bell on the end of Natsuki's braid a flick before heading towards the door; one hand thrown in the air over her head in farewell. Natsuki caught the sound of Nao's flirtatious voice calling out to someone she met in the hall before it was lost amidst the noise in the room.

_Shizuru is acting like the scene five months ago never happened. Nao seems to think that she and I are friends. Could things BE any stranger? _Further consideration of these enigmas were halted by the sound of her name being called. Sticking her hands into her jeans pockets, she slouched her way towards the center of activity in the dining room.

"There you are Natsuki!" Mai shouted joyfully, jumping up out of the chair she'd been occupying and throwing her arms around her friend's neck, giving her a warm hug. "Happy Christmas...and you're late." Releasing the choke hold she had around the girl's neck, she stood, hands on hips, violet eyes narrowed, staring into the still slightly dazed looking expression on her friend's face. Mai was wearing a short red skirt and sweater, a red Santa's hat cantered at a lopsided angle on top of her head full of red-orange hair. Knee high black boots hugged her shapely calves and she had a white lacy garter belt with a red bow on it strapped around one thigh. The entire outfit gave her the appearance of a walking advertisement for Christmas chic.

"Late!" Natsuki blurted accusingly. "You specifically instructed me to meet you out FRONT at 8:15. So wanna tell me why I was freezing my ass off outside waiting for YOU to show up when you've been inside all along?"

Mai put one hand over her mouth and giggled. "Oops. Sorry bout that. I guess I forgot to text you that I was arriving a bit early in order to put up the decorations. Mikoto and I had to make an emergency run to the dorm room for more green glitter. We just got back about fifteen minutes ago. I should've texted you the change in plans. My bad," the girl put in sheepishly. "Anyway" she continued, waving one hand in the air as if to erase something from a chalkboard, "forget the miscommunication error on my part for a second and tell me...doesn't this place look fabulous?" Mai gazed approvingly out across the room, a self-satisfied smile flashing across her face. "Mikoto and I worked over two hours to get all this stuff put up before you guys arrived. It's awesome, huh?"

Natsuki, not at all appeased by her friend's apology, hunched her shoulders and shrugged. "Looks like an elf threw-up in here."

"Hey!" Mai shouted, smacking her friend on the arm. "A little bit of appreciation and a lot less skepticism, HUH? You weren't the one stapling the lighting nets to the ceiling an hour ago. Not something that is easily accomplished. The least you can do is thank me for the hard work I put into making this place festive for tonight's party."

"What?" came a hard voice as Haruka sauntered over, a tray of hors d'oeuvres balanced on the flat of one hand, a drink clutched in the other. "Did I just hear you say you 'stapled' the lighting net to the ceiling? Mai Tokiha, if you've ruined my uncle's..."

She was interrupted from further chastisement by the sound of a cool voice. "Relax, Haruka. I'm quite certain Miss Tokiha took the utmost care in her decorating endeavors for this evening. Have another drink and DO be quiet." Shizuru winked at Mai's gratified smile and placed a drink in front of Natsuki as she took up a spot beside the girl standing at the head of the table beside Mai. "Shall we toast the hostess whose Christmas spirit made all this possible for us to enjoy tonight?"

A loud "Harrmmph!" from Haruka caused the corner of Shizuru's mouth to twitch up in a small smile as she added, "As well as a toast to Haruka Suzushiro for appealing to her family's...philanthropic sense of holiday cheer in their donation of this lovely setting for our Christmas get together?"

"Cheers to you Haruka!" slurred a slightly tipsy Yukino as she slapped a hand against her friend's back, causing Haruka to almost drop the plate of food. Without even waiting for anyone else, the usually mousey Yukino downed her drink, gave an undignified hiccup and grinned. "Just a minute...I need a topper on this drink before we toast Miss Tokiha." With a slight sway in her stride, Natsuki watched as Yukino made an unsteady beeline for the bar.

Even amidst the strangeness of the evening, Natsuki couldn't contain a snort of laughter at Yukino. "A drink sounds damn good to me too."

"Well then," Shizuru chimed amiably, "let's get you out of that wet jacket and into a dry martini." She giggled at the look of disgust that passed over Natsuki's face. "Or rather...let's get ME into a dry martini. I brought you," and here Shizuru wrinkled her nose in distaste before finishing, "a nasty ole beer." She was well aware of her friend's distaste for any drink containing gin. And Shizuru only drank gin martinis. Besides, Shizuru had never seen Natsuki drink anything other than beer.

"Thanks Shizuru. I could use a drink. Or three," Natsuki replied gratefully, slipping out of her jacket and hooking it on the back of a vacant chair.

As she turned back towards the table, one hand reaching for the cold bottle of Nip-Zai, she cringed at the sound of Mai's high pitched squeal. "Oh My God! Natsuki! Look at you! You DID manage to wear something festive. And doesn't your hair look adorable." She reached out and gave Natsuki's braid a gentle tug, causing the tiny silver bell to chime softly.

Natsuki shrugged away from Mai's fingers as dark eyebrows lowered threateningly. "Can it Tokiha. I'm in no mood for any of this tonight. I've had a really strange evening. Which just seems to get stranger by the minute. What I want to know is..." One hand reached for the beer in front of her as the other came up in front of her, an accusatory finger pointed in Mai's face, the gift tag she'd wrapped around her wrist dangling from its red string.

Mai's eyes went round in surprise at her friend's comment and she interjected hotly, "How could you possibly NOT be in a good mood tonight? Just look around you Natsuki Kuga. You're surrounded by people who care about you. It's a beautiful, snowy Christmas Eve and...an open bar." She laughed, putting one hand over her mouth as the other hand squeezed Natsuki's shoulder. Turning her attention away from the frowning Natsuki, Mai addressed her next comment to Shizuru, who had been watching the exchange between the two friends with amusement. "Shizuru. Will you see if you can't instill a bit of Christmas spirit into this Grinch."

"Why, it would be my pleasure Miss Tokiha," Shizuru responded smoothly, sliding her hand into Natsuki's. She leaned closer to the girl in question, her breath a soft whisper against the side of Natsuki's face, "I think I have just the thing to...melt that Grinch heart of yours." Giggling at the expected blush that stained her friend's cheeks following the comment, her eyes dropped to Natsuki's hand. "But first...what do we have here, hmmm?" She reached out with delicate fingers and gave a little tug to the gift tag wrapped around the girl's wrist. "An unclaimed present?" she declared in mock surprise. "Why that's just scandalous! We can't have that on a Christmas Eve, now can we?"

Rummaging around in the small brown leather hand bag clutched under one arm, Shizuru smiled triumphantly as she pulled out an expensive looking pen. "Here. Let's fix this real quick." Holding Natsuki's hand down against the table, she bent and began writing on the gift tag. Beaming, she glanced up from beneath a fall of her hair and winked at Natsuki. "There. I believe this should do."

Natsuki glanced down and read the words Shizuru had written in an elegant script on the decorative tag.** To: Shizuru. From: The Spirit of Christmas.**

Eyes wide, Natsuki wet suddenly dry lips with the tip of her tongue. "Why..I mean...Shizuru. What made you write that? Those particular words?" The words on the slip of paper she'd pulled from the candy cane earlier materialized in her mind and she stared at the girl beside her in confused wonder.

Dropping the pen back into her bag and tilting her head, Shizuru gave Natsuki a curious glance before answering. "Isn't it obvious? Who else would this particular package be for? And who else but the Spirit of Christmas himself could deliver me the one thing I desired most this year?" Pressing closer against Natsuki, Shizuru ran her thumb across Natsuki's wrist. "I am going to enjoy unwrapping my present later."

Fortunately, Natsuki was spared from trying to respond to her friend's innuendo as all eyes, including her own, were pulled to the door of the private dining room as it was thrown open and a male voice shouted joyfully, "Merry Christmas everyone!"

Yuuichi Tate stood framed in the open door, his hair and shoulders wet from melting snowflakes, cheeks ruddy from the cold. He grinned at the boisterous round of greetings he received and strode forward, headed right towards Mai. Grabbing her by the arms, he drew her to her feet and placed a cold kiss on her warm lips. "And a very merry Christmas to YOU Miss Tokiha."

Mai giggled and blushed, absently running her fingers through his wet hair. "Merry Christmas to you too, Mister Tate. And...you're late."

Yuuichi frowned. "Better late than never though, right?" His eyes locked onto Natsuki's and his grin grew even bigger. "Yo! Kuga! Thanks for the shirt." His laugh was genuine and warm. "Although, I don't think Mai here will think it as awesome as I do."

Natsuki could only stare blankly into his twinkling eyes. She still had no idea why everyone thought she'd sent them t-shirts for Christmas.

"Oh reeeealy now," Mai interjected, leveling a curious quirk of her eyebrow at her friend. "And just why would you assume I wouldn't approve? Hmmm?"

Natsuki's only defense was a shrug. _How the hell should I know?_ she quipped silently, still reeling from the events of the evening.

Tate answered both of the girl's questions with a boisterous laugh. "Well," he began and then pulled up the sweater he was wearing to reveal a red t-shirt beneath. On it were the words _"Pimp Yo Christmas!"_ and a picture of eight provocatively attired women with reindeer antlers on their heads, all hitched up in front of Santa's sleigh. Each girl had a highly suggestive name stenciled beneath them. There was Bambi and Vixen and Roxy and Teaser. Bunnie and Nikki and Lexxxie and Pleaser. Santa himself was decked out in a red hat with a white feather holding a pimp cane in one hand and a whip in the other. _"The Best Part of Christmas is the Hos! Hos! Hos!"_ was in black letters above his head.

"Pimp yo Christmas!" Tate said, then smiled. "Has a much better ring to it than the old fashioned "Merry Christmas"...right Kuga?" The boy had the audacity to WINK at her.

"Natsuki!" Mai shouted, yanking her boyfriend's sweater back down to cover the offensive picture on his t-shirt.

"What?" the dark haired girl stammered, unsure what to say in her own defense. She merely deflected Mai's glare with a sniff and replied nonchalantly. "I can't help it if your boyfriend's a perv."

Mai smacked a laughing Tate's stomach with the flat of her hand, causing the boy to double over with an audible 'Ooof', and frowned. "Well YOU'RE the one who bought it for him!"

Smiling at the easy banter that she and Mai excelled at, Natsuki gave a firm nod of her head. "He's the one wearing it!" She was halted from further friendly bickering when a wheedling voice from the door made her stop what she was going to say and stare openly.

"Merry Christmas everyone. Look what Santa brought me for Christmas this year Mai!" In the door stood a grinning Shiho...her arm linked through the arm of a very embarrassed looking...Takeda Masashi.

"My my," Shizuru drawled softly, her voice pitched low enough to be heard by Natsuki's ears alone. "Looks like I wasn't the only one who got what they wanted for Christmas this year." She chuckled quietly, watching the pair in the door. "Pardon me one second Natsuki. I hear a second martini calling my name." She squeezed Natsuki's fingers gently before moving off toward the bar where a slightly intoxicated Yukino was holding forth as acting bartender. The alcohol the young woman had imbibed seemed to have transformed the usually introverted Yukino into an extroverted exhibitionist. She was flipping bottles and handing out drinks as if she'd worked behind the bar for years, shouting merrily, "The Doctor Of Mixology is in da HOUSE! Step up to get your prescriptions filled!"

Natsuki, however, found nothing amusing in the sight of the young man standing in the door. Feeling the muscles of her stomach clench in exasperated tension, she watched Takeda's eyes nervously darting about the room, shifting from foot to foot in obvious embarrassment. Shiho, on the other hand, was nothing but the picture of a confident conqueror as she half dragged the blushing boy into the dining room, making a beeline straight for Mai. And Natsuki.

"What the hell is HE doing here Tokiha?" Natsuki asked through gritted teeth, pulling her gaze away from Shizuru at the bar and putting her head closer to Mai's so as not to be overheard. "Didn't we JUST spend the better part of the morning avoiding him? I swear to God Mai, you're just full of surprises tonight, aren't you?" Natsuki growled, fighting the growing urge to run as she watched the boy in question being pulled ever closer to their position in the room.

Mai cut her eyes towards Natsuki's darkening face and frowned. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about Natsuki. What surprises? And what do you mean 'WE' were avoiding Takeda this morning?" Mai made an annoyed sound and shook her head in exasperation. "You can be so antisocial at times Miss Kuga. I don't know why it still surprises me. I HAD to invite Shiho," she hissed vehemently, covering her irritation at Natsuki's comment with a forced smile. "She and I are getting along quite well now that's she's been dating Takeda. And of course she was going to bring him along as her date. Sheesh! Get over yourself Natsuki."

"I'm not antisocial...just...anti Takeda," the dark haired girl shot back, watching as Tate greeted his friend with a handshake and a wink, pulling up his sweater to show him the shirt beneath; the one that everyone apparently still thought SHE had sent him. Something Mai said buzzed for attention in her brain and Natsuki had to blink twice before it finally hit home. "Shiho? And Takeda? When..? How? I thought...?"

But here she was interrupted by an incredulous snort from her friend. "You really DON'T listen to a thing I tell you, do you Natsuki Kuga." Mai crossed her arms beneath her breasts and huffed, giving her friend a withering glower before continuing. "I told you several months ago that Shiho had gone all goo-goo eyed for Takeda after Tate rejoined the kendo team. They've been dating since the Kendo regionals." Violet colored eyes narrowed in vexation as Mai continued, "TWO months ago Natsuki. This is the same conversation we had TWO months ago. Jeez! Either you really don't care about anyone other than yourself or you have selective memory. I'm not sure I care which because both excuses piss me off!" Mai's mouth was stretched tight across her face as she verbally harangued her friend while trying to keep up the appearance of a good hostess.

Any other time the smarmy cut from her friend would've elicited an acidic remark in return, but at the moment, Natsuki's brain was still trying to come to grips with what her friend had just said. It took a moment for the information to penetrate the thick shell of Natsuki's confusion. "Wait! What? Those two are..." she pitched her voice even lower as she watched Shiho frowning at Tate's Christmas novelty shirt before shooting her a murderous glare.

Mai threw one arm in the air and made a _'come here'_ motion with her hand before shaking her head at Natsuki. "I believe the word you're looking for is 'dating'. And it's your own fault if you're surprised by it. This is old news. If you don't care enough to listen the first time I tell you something about..."

But Natsuki didn't hear anything else Mai had to say, her friend's voice nothing but muted static in her ear as her thoughts turned inward. She brushed absently at the braid tickling the side of her face before finally pulling a comment from the swirling vortex her mind had become. "This morning, the only reason we were avoiding Takeda was because he'd been hounding me for months to go out with him. When I saw him this morning..." she broke off here, trying to hold herself together. _What's the matter with me? Am I losing my mind?_ She questioned herself silently, grasping for answers. She swallowed, her throat dry. "We did go out shopping today, right?" she asked uncertainly, her voice quivering with fragile need.

Mai gave her Santa hat a quick adjustment, then straightened the hem of her skirt, her eyes narrowed curiously. "Of COURSE we went shopping this morning! What's the matter with you tonight Natsuki? How much did you have to drink before arriving? You MADE me go with you this morning so you could pick up the gift for..." here she broke off as her attention was turned to someone who'd just walked up behind Natsuki. "Thank God," Mai breathed in perturbed relief. "Shizuru, could you take this girl off my hands please? And see that she gets a drink. Or some coffee. Anything. She's acting a little strange tonight."

The sound of Shizuru's melodious laughter floated through the sea of sound as she wrapped her fingers around Natsuki's arm, causing the girl to jump at the unexpected contact.

"Oh my, but this one excels at strangeness, Miss Tokiha. It's one of her more charming attributes, wouldn't you agree? I would be delighted to entertain Natsuki for a while. At least until the alarm clock goes off." And here the tawny haired girl broke into a merry peal of giggles.

Mai could only shake her head at the pair of them. _Weirdos!_ She scoffed to herself, watching as Shizuru led a dazed looking Natsuki away. But the analysis of her friend's strange behavior tonight would have to wait, as Shiho chose that moment to swagger forward, grinning and pulling her date behind her, already chattering away.

Natsuki, on the other hand, was too stunned to speak. She was too preoccupied with the thoughts swarming like tiny kamikaze pilots in her mind to do anything other than let the strong, yet gentle, hand on her arm guide her to the other end of the room, away from all the noise and confusion. The area Shizuru led Natsuki to was a small conversational nook sequestered in a corner of the private dining room. Just a couple of comfortable sofas with a glass and metal table between them; two low walls boxing off the corner, giving the illusion of privacy in an otherwise open area.

But Natsuki was more than grateful for this seemingly quieter area of the dining room. She was still reeling from the absurdities of the evening and the tempering of the drone from the voices of her exuberant friends was a much needed respite. Besides, she needed a moment to talk with Shizuru privately. Too many things just weren't making any sense at all. _What WAS she doing here? Had Shizuru forgiven her for all the hurtful things she'd said that night five long months ago? _

Flopping unceremoniously down onto one of the sofas, Natsuki let out a rattled breath, leaning her head back against the top of the sofa, one arm slung over her eyes. "Thanks, Shizuru." she mumbled gratefully. "I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. I'm feeling...I mean this whole thing is just so..." she paused, uncertain how to continue before laughing nervously. "I guess I'm just not a fan of these holiday get-togethers," she finished lamely, giving one shoulder a shrug, uncertain how to broach the entire subject with Shizuru now that they were finally alone.

She felt the the cushion of the sofa shift slightly as Shizuru eased herself down onto the couch beside her, their legs almost, but not quite touching. The other girl smiled sympathetically at the comment and gave her head a rueful shake. "There's no need to apologize, Natsuki. I can almost understand and commiserate with that feeling of... I myself seem to be a bit..." and here she broke off, biting down on her bottom lip as if trying to decide what to say. Taking a deep breath to clear her own muddled thoughts, Shizuru folded her hands serenely in her lap and looked up at Natsuki from beneath a fall of chestnut colored hair. "Let's just say I'm delighted to see you and leave it at that. Okay? No matter the circumstances. Even if it IS at a 'lame holiday get-together'."

Natsuki's heart gave a sudden thud as the sadness underlying Shizuru's words broke through her own self-centered confusion of the night, causing her to feel ashamedly guilty. "Uhhh..." was the only sound she was able to make as she lowered her arm, her eyes rising and locking onto the red orbs watching her so intently. The look burning in Shizuru's eyes was at once both beautiful and heartbreaking, as if she were gazing at something she had wanted all her life, but knew, deep down in her heart, that she could never possess. It was an expression that cut Natsuki's soul to the quick.

Sensing that the girl beside her was quickly becoming withdrawn and moody, Shizuru's instinct to protect slid reflexively into place. Wanting nothing more than to ease the girl's sudden discomfit, she shifted her body closer to Natsuki's, pulling one corner of her mouth up in a playful grin. Giving a confident toss of her hair, she reached her hand out towards Natsuki's, pausing only momentarily, before softly covering the back of one of her friend's hands with her own. "Nothing really matters, Natsuki. Nothing but the fact that you are here...and I am here. Let's just be...content in the moment and leave it at that. Shall we? No pressures or obligations. It is Christmas Eve after all. And I believe..."

At this word, the sound of a loud voice rang out above the normal hum of the conversation causing both girls to jump in their seats, their heads swinging around in unison as one pair of emerald colored eyes and one tinted with crimson scanned the room for the source of the commotion. As expected, the shouting was coming from Haruka.

Neither girl had to strain their ears in order to hear what all the hub-bub was about. The sound of the blonde girl's voice was amplified to near megaphone volume, even when she wasn't shouting at the top of her lungs, and at this particular moment, she was practically bellowing. Natsuki winced in sympathy as she spotted the unfortunate target of Haruka's tirade; a slightly bewildered looking...Mai.

"...TOLD you it would cause damage to my uncle's ceiling MAI TOKIHA! Just look at the mess YOUR wildcat of a friend made?" Haruka's face was red with self-justified outrage, hands on her hips, the murderous glare she was giving poor Mai sharper than most daggers.

"Oh my. Haruka never changes. No matter where she is." Shizuru commented, putting a hand over her mouth to hide an amused giggle. "Poor Miss Tokiha," she commiserated, giving a rueful shake of her head. "Although I empathize with her predicament, I must confess I harbor a guilty conscious in the fact that Miss Shuzushiro has someone other than myself to bicker at."

The words hadn't fully left the tawny haired girl's mouth before they heard a bellowed, "FUJINO! This is all YOUR fault! If you hadn't coerced me into letting this group of juvenile delinquents have their party here in the first place, this never would have happened. Come see what that...that...GIRL did to the hanging lights! Grrrr! MIKOTO!

"I sometimes think I should have studied mediation and diplomacy instead of majoring in fashion design," Shizuru sighed in vexation, giving Natsuki's hand a quick pat. "It seems the job of a Student Council President is never finished. Let me go step over and see if I can't defuse this situation with a bit of smooth talk. Haruka is, as always, overly excitable and I think Miss Tokiha could use some backup. Excuse me a moment, Natsuki," Shizuru apologized, standing up and smoothing the wrinkles from the expensive fabric of her skirt. "I'll just be a moment. Perhaps I can..."

Her words were halted as Natsuki suddenly reached out, grabbing Shizuru's hand in hers, a desperation like she'd never felt before welling up inside her on a flood of emotion. "No! I mean, wait...Shizuru! I...I need to talk to you. I mean I have something I want to say!" The desperation in her voice was thick with a mixture of regret and urgency. There were so many things she wanted to say. So many things she needed to ask Shizuru. Questions that she still had no plausible answers to.

Shizuru's eyebrow arched sharply above one eye as she replied smoothly, "Why Natsuki Kuga. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that you actually missed me lately."

The words were patent Fujino, a teasingly innocent comment issued in that sexy Kyoto-born accent of hers, but Natsuki could sense the unvoiced pain and sadness underlying her friend's attempt at buoyant congeniality. _Oh GOD she's still hurting from what I did. From all the hateful things I said to her. She's hurting because of...the LIE I tried to force her to believe. The lie that I tried to make myself believe through hurting her._ Natsuki had to swallow the lump of regret that threatened to choke her, trying to work moisture into her suddenly dry mouth.

"I DID miss you," she finally manged to say. "You must believe me Shizuru. I...I missed you and I...I..." Natsuki continued, before faltering, her heart spinning out the words she needed to tell Shizuru too fast for her mind to grasp, leaving her momentarily speechless, lost in the fog of an emotional mire.

Shizuru reached out, giving Natsuki's little braid a playful tug. "You are sweet to say so, Natsuki. Even if this is just a..."

But she was interrupted from finishing her thought by the sound of Mai's outraged shout. Shooting a quick look toward the commotion, Shizuru gave Natsuki a small smile. "Now don't you go anywhere Natsuki, you here? I'm not quite finished with you...yet. And mind you don't let anyone ELSE go unwrapping that gift meant for ME!" And with a mischievous wink, Shizuru turned and walked back towards a now positively raging Haruka.

Natsuki watched Shizuru's graceful strides away from her in stunned silence. _This just has to be a dream. Right?_she asked herself in numb amazement. _I mean, what other reason could possibly justify the strange turn of events which have defined this evening thus far? It's gotta be a dream! _She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart, which pounded blood in her ears with each heavy THUMP. _One just doesn't WAKE UP beneath a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve and find their lives, their mistakes...the things they wish they could change, miraculously transformed into the perfect life. Miracles like that only happen in fairy tales. _At least that's what she'd always believed_. Believe. _The word resounded throughout her like a gong. _BELIEVE. _

She ran a trembling hand through her hair and swatted at her hand in surprise as the gift tag she'd tied around her wrist brushed against her cheek, startling her. Pulling her arm down, she absently fingered the tag, reading the small, stiff paper. **To: Shizuru. From: The Spirit of Christmas**. _It can't be! _She wondered silently in a growing sense of amazement. _Can it? _

**Speak truth to dispel the lie lived.**

**Believe.**

**The Spirit of Christmas is upon you.**

The words on the fortune in the candy cane swam before her eyes. _But...how? _Had the heartfelt admission of her guilt in lying to Shizuru, of lying to herself, somehow altered the course of time, changing everything to the way...it was meant to be? Was this the way everyone's life would have turned out had she but braved her own insecurities and fears and admitted to Shizuru the truth five months ago? Green eyes turned to the people...her friends...scattered around the private party room.

Reito was laughing, his hands full trying to hold a bristling Mikoto away from Haruka, who was standing, one hand on her hip, the other in Mai's face, yelling and gesticulating at a mess of nets and lights hanging haphazardly from the ceiling. Shiho had her arms around a blushing Takeda's neck, a love-sick grin plastered across her face. Yuuichi Tate had taken seat in Mai's empty chair, chopsticks a blur as he gobbled down the goodies spread out on the banquet table. A sudden shout followed by a loud crash emanated by the dining room door, and Nao fell backwards into the room, some random guy she'd nabbed from god knows where, falling in on top of her, their arms still locked around one another. It was obvious that their make-out session in the hall had been interrupted by the unfortunate opening of the door by Nao's hip. A chorus of laughter and hoots accompanied the pair as they unceremoniously clambered to their feet, the guy grinning sheepishly, bowing to the roomful of people apologetically and Nao glaring heatedly, the latter giving her skirt a furious tug and callously raising her middle finger to the onlookers. Which of course made everyone laugh even louder.

Natsuki couldn't stop the quirking of her own lips as she shook her head in amusement. Never in her wildest imaginings would she have dreamed that she and Nao would be on friendly terms. Not only that, but everything was so different than it was...YESTERDAY! All the drama, the pain, the recriminations of the past year seemed to have been smoothed away, like wrinkles in a piece of fabric. Was this new tapestry unveiled before her very eyes now possible because of that fortuitous meeting with the stranger from the street this morning? Did she herself MAKE all this into a new reality simply because she finally did as the fortune advocated and admitted to herself the truth. The truth that she loved...no, the truth that she was IN love with Shizuru?

Pulling her eyes up, Natsuki turned her gaze back on Shizuru. She was standing alone now, one arm across her stomach, her right hand cradling her elbow. A look that Natsuki couldn't immediately define was displayed across her friend's face. A look that was at once breathtakingly beautiful but also comprised of such a sad vulnerability that it caused Natsuki to whimper softly, feeling tears at the corners of her eyes. It was as if Shizuru were staring at a puzzle that had her utterly confounded and a more than a little frightened. So out of character for Miss Shizuru Fujino.

_What is it? What is she thinking?_ Natsuki wondered, rubbing her suddenly sweaty palms on the knees of her jeans. But before she could do much more than speculate at the strange look on her friend's face, Shizuru became aware of Natsuki's eyes on her and glanced up, red orbs locking with green.

Having noticed Natsuki's gaze upon her, Shizuru gave her eyes permission to stare adoringly at the girl across the room, sharing a silent connection between the two of them for as long as she dared. Or rather, for as long as Natsuki would let her. When Natsuki didn't shrug their shared look away in a blush of embarrassment, but instead, kept her eyes locked onto her own, Shizuru felt a tingling of apprehensive worry hit her in the pit of her stomach. She tilted her head to the side, burgundy eyes narrowing slightly, confused a little by the intent look the dark haired girl was still giving her. _"What is it? Is something wrong?_" she mouthed the words at Natsuki.

_I have another chance to make this right_, Natsuki realized, reading the questions falling from Shizuru's silent mouth, trying to blink away the tears that threatened to fall. For some unfathomable reason, she'd been given this...gift for lack of a better word; this Christmas miracle to make amends for the lie she had been living. And that's exactly what she planned to do. _Shizuru, it can be as if nothing bad ever_ _happened between us!_ she thought, a feeling of growing exuberance causing her to radiate from within. _I've been given this gift to start over...with you...with us! _Noticing that Shizuru was still watching her curiously, Natsuki rose to her feet, snagging both of their drinks from the table.

Flashing her friend a cocky smile as if to assure her that all was well, Natsuki sauntered towards Shizuru, feeling for the first time in a very, very long time...that all was right with the world. Of course...things are not always as easy as they seem.


End file.
